The end is nigh… NOT

Last week passed by as usual. The cataclysmic end of the world as predicted by the snake-oil salesmen was a no-show, as usual.

Recorded predictions for the end of the world from as far back as 66-70 CE by Simon bar Giora of the Essene Sect, to Chris McCann of the eBible Fellowship have come to nought. And it will continue to do so…

Unless…

Some nitwit such as Vladimir Putin or Kim Jong-un contrive to start or cause a nuclear war or something equally stupid to cause monumental devastation of the earth. Still, some organisms may survive even that. Otherwise, we’re ended for a natural end probably involving the sun swallowing the earth. Don’t bet on being around to see it though.

But enough about end times. This is the only sort of end that I’m into right now – The Jim Morrison kind. Enjoy. It’s long; about as long as this list of useless predictions for the the end of the world: End Of the World Predictions.

Show me the way

… no eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn. – Jim Morrison

Seems most everyone needs someone to show him or her the way at some point.

While Jim Morrison of The Doors would have you believe that it was only to show him the way to the next whisky bar, you can be certain he had a pretty good idea that life was meant to be lived fully, for it’s of no use withering it away on false beliefs and insecure activities, in the hope of an after-life reward.

Morrison was famous for reciting poetry, sometimes improvising on the spur of the moment during live performances. And they don’t come better than the opening line to this blog.

Watch the entire video [the epicness comes between the Alabama Song and Love Me Two Times featured on the video above]. Below you will find the full extract of the poem Stoned Immaculate written by Morrison.

I’ll tell you this…
No eternal reward will forgive us now
For wasting the dawn.
Back in those days everything was simpler and more confused
One summer night, going to the pier
I ran into two young girls
The blonde one was called Freedom
The dark one, Enterprise
We talked and they told me this story
Now listen to this…
I’ll tell you about Texas radio and the big beat
Soft driven, slow and mad
Like some new language
Reaching your head with the cold, sudden fury of a divine messenger
Let me tell you about heartache and the loss of god
Wandering, wandering in hopeless night
Out here in the perimeter there are no stars
Out here we IS stoned
Immaculate.

Cometh the hour, cometh the Rapture

According to Harold Camping who predicted that all righteous Christians in the world will be Raptured on 21 May 2011, 6PM is the magical hour when it will start.

While Camping didn’t elaborate in which time zone it would occur, we would have to assume that he either meant 6PM local time California where he is based, or 6PM simultaneously around the world. I’m sure all of you who don’t qualify to ascend to Heaven on May 21 because you’re ridiculously rational, will immediately see the problem with the magical hour put forward by Camping. Those of you who are non-Christian believers shouldn’t even bother.

But rather than spoil the last moments on Earth for the selected few by posing these scientific questions which you no doubt have no appreciation for, I would just like to wish you well on your flight upwards to Heaven. May you get great service and an open bar.

I would like to dedicate the song Rapture, by Blondie to all you good Rapturees. I hope you take one last listen to some good earthly tunes before you subject yourselves to an eternity of harp music. This particular version which is a clever mix of Blondie and Jim Morrison of the Doors, may not be to your purist tastes, but just live a little before you depart.

I’m sure those of you who will remain behind like me to face the Tribulation, will appreciate this too while we party on regardless.