Pope-eye the Sailor Man

I have a wicked mind. In high school I developed the knack of passing a quip at any commentary. These days I reserve that talent for anyone who has earned the ire of the people, by deed or speech.

Usually politicians are my victims. Today it’s the turn of Pope Benedict XVI. Reports suggest that he is going blind in one eye and due to a high blood pressure condition, is advised to limit air travel. I will leave the faithful to ponder why god’s emissary is being forsaken. Rationalizing is after all, their fortitude.

Pope Benedictus XVI (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What I’m musing over is whether his partial blindness is the reason why he turned a blind eye to the perverse sexual antics of his priests. Yeah, yeah, that’s really malicious, but let’s get even sillier…

Will Ratzinger now become Pope-eye the Sailor Man since he is restricted from travelling by air?

Antonio Federici – my kinda ice cream

In the news today is an award-winning British ice cream manufacturer that intends defying an Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) ban on one of their clever magazine adverts, by “placing similar posters along the route of the Pope’s London visit.”

The banned advert depicted a pregnant nun eating Antonio Federici ice cream in a church, with the words “Immaculately Conceived” emblazoned on one side of the picture. Apparently it took just 10 prissy readers (presumably Catholic) to get ASA to pull the plug on the advert. Which leaves me wondering why a certain other religion always requires thousands of their followers to rampage through the streets in cities across the world, threatening murder and mayhem, every time they feel offended by similar harmless caricatures.

What I find curious about the banning is the reason given by the ASA: “for ‘making a mockery’ of the beliefs of Roman Catholics.’ This would imply that mere beliefs, no matter how ridiculous, are somehow sacrosanct, especially if they emanate from a religious quarter. Applying the same set of rules, spaghetti adverts should also be banned because they make a mockery of the beliefs of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Taking this reasoning to its ultimate conclusion, science is in great danger of being banned outright because scientific discoveries every day, make a mockery of many religious beliefs.

In fact many of us are all too aware of a large number of religious organizations that would dearly like to see just that: the status of science reduced to a level lower than common superstition and religious belief, or even banned outright.

As for the intentions of the manufacturers of Antonio Federici ice cream to accost the Pope with similar saucy adverts, on his much-maligned trip to Britain, I don’t think his Eminence will be too shocked, seeing as how he accommodates the sexual antics of the priests in his charge.

However, I am still really enamored of this ice cream brand because of the response the company gave to the ASA when the advert was banned. The said that they wished to

comment on and question, using satire and gentle humour, the relevance and hypocrisy of religion and the attitudes of the church to social issues.

Now those are the words of a mighty progressive company, in a typically stuffy country. In future, every time I indulge in some Gelato, those words will resonate through my mind. So, anybody knows where I can get some of this fantastic ice cream?

Pope to fight rise of secularism in the West, or, the decline of Catholicism and the fight to keep it alive

Seems that Christianity is dying a slow death; one shameful form of it at any rate. But even though that’s the natural order of things in an evolving world, the Vatican through its divinely appointed CEO, Pope Benedict XVI, would like to buck the trend and save this particular endangered species of mind-virus from extinction.

The Pope, besieged by accusations of cover-ups in clerical sex abuse cases, has, in a vainglorious moment of desperation decided to shore up his sinking ship, by implementing a new office within his religio-business empire to fight the rise of secularism in the West, specifically Europe. It’s to be called the Pontifical Council for Promoting the New Evangelization [PCP-the-NE for short], and Monsignor Rino Fisichella has been hand-picked by the Pope to drive this department which is expected to “reinvigorate Christianity in the parts of the world where it is falling by the wayside.”

I’m sure the Pontiff is hoping that his new signing will have more success than the famous F1 driver, and that his new department will have the same drug-like hold that PCP once had in keeping a nation mesmerised.

One wonders what the new Vatican department will resort to in its efforts to “rekindle the faith.” I’m pretty sure that some of the methods of persuasion last used during the Dark Ages, won’t be particularly appreciated or tolerated in the age of enlightenment and unprecendented, but hard-won freedoms. But one never knows; if for some insane reason, there is a sudden rise in religious fervor in the West, the Dark Age mentality may yet cast its ugly shadow on the rest of the world.

But somehow, I doubt that this new Vatican department will have any success. I have faith that people are much smarter and less prone to gullibility than they once were. The rise of secularism is testimony to this development, and mental slavery will come to an end.

Heretical news…

A couple of stories that caught my interest recently:

A guy in Edmonton, Canada legally changed his name to God. Apparently he fought the government and won the right to change his name. How cool is that? How cool is Canada? I can just imagine him going for a job interview and introducing himself, “Hi, I’m God. I need a new job ’cause people didn’t take me seriously in my old one.”

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Famous atheist Richard Dawkins has thrown his weight behind the calls from self-proclaimed non-theist, Christopher Hitchens, to have the Pope arrested when he visits the UK later this year. This follows the recent sex abuse scandals that have rocked the Catholic Church. This type of action is unprecedented, as ordinary religious figures seem to enjoy a special status in society, but the Pope is deemed untouchable.

Personally, I don’t think anything will come of it, but just imagine if the Pope was actually arrested and charged, with among other things, human rights violations. I’ll bet that would send all other clergymen scurrying for their lawyers.

More amusing however, is picturing the Pope in a hard-core prison, sharing a cell with Bubba. Upon finding out that Bubba is called that for a very special reason, the Pope exclaims, “get thee behind me Satan,” whereupon Bubba licking his lips in glee shouts out, “with pleasure, your Popeness, with pleasure.”