Public disservice announcement for ambitious jihardiots

So you’re just not satisfied with blowing up the odd offending building or bus, anymore? Yeah that just does not cut it these days. The message is really not sinking in. People are just so goddamn stubborn, and simply will not accept the last true faith willingly. What you need is to ramp it up a bit – or perhaps a whole lot.

Yeah! Being blown up into 72 pieces is just not enough. What is required is more pieces and for that you need a bigger bang. Nuclear big!

Well you’re in luck because graphic designer Maximilian Bode has performed the complex calculations to enable you to determine the minimum number of nuclear devices necessary to blow up a whole city, a whole state or province, even the whole world. Because, let’s face it – nothing short of total Armageddon is going to make the infidels sit up and listen. Even if it may be rather difficult sitting up and listening in such a state of bodily separation.

Depending on the size of the device you deviously manage to get your hands on, it would take between 19 (Little Boy used in WW2) and 1 (B53 or Castle Bravo or Tzar Bomba modern-day device), to obliterate New York for instance. You need only be limited by your level of ambition, and capacity to satisfy hordes of virgins.

Off course securing the nuclear fuel for these delightful death devices may be a little tricky, but if you can worm your way into the good books of certain South African politicians who happen to also be senior members of the African Nuclear Commission (ANC), you may be able to secure what you need. All it takes is money, or a car or house or Breitling watch. But it also doesn’t hurt to first secure the services of a middle man, and South Africa has quite a few disgraced former Police Commissioners and assorted suspended “leaders” who will be quite happy to assist you, having had plenty experience in securing stuff.

So I’ll leave you to it then. Go fetch.

The shit they’re saying in politics #1

Inspiring new ways…

Minister in the Presidency ** Collins Chabane announced a new slogan for marketing the country – South Africa: Inspiring new ways.

Given the current climate of perverse over-taxation of the citizens of South Africa, and the  continuous brazen looting of the treasury by government,  I wonder if this catchphrase is intended to inspire both parties differently.

For government:

1. Inspiring new ways for members of government to loot and pillage without getting caught as often as they do
2. Inspiring new ways to tax their citizens into oblivion

For citizens:

1. Inspiring new ways to ridicule arrogant members of government, especially when they get caught with their hands in the cooky jar
2. Inspiring new ways to dodge taxes and finding new driving routes to avoid paying ridiculous tolls

On leased buildings

Bheki Cele our “shoot first, talk later,” Police Commissioner is currently facing a commission of enquiry into his approval of outrageous lease agreement deals involving hundreds of millions of Rands.

This exemplar of police brutality, while revealing that he signed the contracts without reading, told the inquiry “I also knew there could be a re-prioritisation of funds”, knowing that there were none.

With South Africa facing a spiralling crime wave, our government has left the safety of the public in the hands of a bozo who believes that moving into comfortable new offices is more important than providing much-needed resources to the police officers struggling to fight crime.

** As opposed to Ministers out of the Presidency such as Minister of (non-existent) Transport, Minister of (shoddily built) Housing, Minister of (inferior) Education, etc.

 

How's this for bare-faced cheek from a government spin-doctor?

Image via Wikipedia

No so long ago the Sunday Times newspaper in South Africa published a damning investigative report [story with timelines here] about the irregular signing of a R500-million lease agreement which involved the National Police Commissioner Bheki Cele.

After receiving a request by the Director of the South African Institute for Accountability, the Public Protector conducted an investigation which has found the Commissioner guilty of improper conduct, a ruling which most sane people will find grossly under-exaggerates his guilt. There was certainly much more involved in this whole saga, as suggested by the Sunday Times report.

Today, the ANC spokesperson Jackson Mthembu released this highly amusing statement, following heated calls for the Police Commissioner to be axed:

We note that the violation of public administration laws, in terms of the public protector’s conclusion on the matter, does not necessarily amount to a criminal finding.

He followed up with this absolute howler when requesting all parties to take the…

…necessary corrective action in a manner that restores public confidence in our administration

Here’s the obvious problems which the ANC seemingly have failed to take notice off:

1. Misconduct and violation of administration laws are deeply frowned upon in the private sector and invariably leads to dismissal and in some cases further criminal prosecution of the offender. In the case where the offender is employed as a servant of the public and has abused both trust and public funds, the offence should be deemed to be doubly [if not more] serious. We should not be baying for the cretins head, but for the rest of his miserable, thieving body too.
2. How can the ANC seriously expect public confidence to be restored when this is but one of a very long list of transgressions involving corruption? The ANC must surely consider their voters to be seriously ignorant or retarded or both.

Once again, we’re being shown the utter contempt that the ANC has for the people.

Can our mines rescue us from the politicians in power?

It seems that not a week goes by in South Africa without a new revelation of fraud, corruption, blatant theft or gross mismanagement of public funds, by the politicians in power who would have the world believe that they were installed in government by politically savvy supporters.

Today, I read with utter dismay (yes, yet again) about how the tax-payer funded our Police Commissioner’s house to the tune of 3.7 million rands. According to the Minister of Police, Commissioner Bheki Cele personally approved the allocation of funds from the police budget to purchase this lavish house. One can’t help thinking that whoever approved his appointment certainly did take the old adage, set a thief to catch a thief, very seriously.

However, that pales in comparison to the other news report today of 44 billion rands that cannot be accounted for by the education departments of three of South Africa’s Provinces. That kind of money does not simply get lost; it takes a special kind of incompetence to mismanage that amount of money. Or it’s quite simple – fraud or theft or both. Or perhaps a combination of fraud, theft and mismanagement.

If one adds up all the many billions of rands that have found their way into the pockets of our thieving politicians since they came into power in 1994, starting with the arms scandal, I’m sure it will be mind-blowing. Think of all the things that kind of money could have done for the development of this country and its people?

This thieving by our politicians has got to stop!!! We must take whatever action is necessary to stop it, and make sure that these bastards never do it again.

Watching the dramatic rescue of the Chilean miners who were trapped more than 600 meters underground in a mine, gave me an idea of how to dispose of our scumbag politicians. How about performing the Chilean rescue mission in reverse? What if our mines came to our rescue by gobbling up these cretinous villains?

We could lower them down into unused mines, 1200 meters deep or more (just to make sure they can’t get back out); leave them there to contemplate nationalization of mines, and then rot. Uncivilized?

Surely not! These vile crooks, have had years fattening up on our hard-earned tax money, so I’m sure they could last a week or more down a mine. We could throw some clergymen down to join them in penance, and prayer. That would be a last act of kindness, from a nation wronged. How about that lot from Rhema Bible Church? 

Think that’s barbaric?

No, that’s more consideration than they gave us poor South Africans, when they stole from us…