“Point of order, honourable Parasite…”

What you’re watching is a session of our Parliament. Correction! Was our Parliament. It is no longer any such thing.

That hallowed institution ceased to exist when Jacob Zuma and his cronies usurped it. What it is now, is merely a deception to keep up appearances for the credulous masses that conspire to keep this rabble in power.

It never fails to at the same time, amuse and infuriate me when these leeches call each other honourable. I’d be pleasantly surprised if more than a handful of them actually looked up the word in a dictionary.

Notice how the sheep rise to applaud the Pres… er jackal when he takes up position to answer frustrate questions from the Opposition. How very diffident? And what about the Speaker? What a model of prejudice?

This my friends is a very devious form of apartheid. It is called ANC democracy.

How democracy in South Africa is being nursed along

Following the publication of my post yesterday about the ANC’s shocking understanding of democracy, it has occurred to me that democracy is being kept alive on life support.

This then is the postscript to The ANC’s perception of democracy is terrifying.

This may sound overly dramatic to the majority who voted the ANC into power, but the parties that you spurned at the polls, are in fact the only thing keeping this country from being not only a kleptocracy, but a dictatorship as well. Yes, the minority parties are in fact protecting you from the ANC.

Ironic, isn’t it?

The much vaunted Constitution is barely coping in keeping greed, corruption, cronyism, fascism and hunger for power at bay, being under constant attack by the ruling party. Were it not for the Public Protector, the minority opposition parties in Parliament and the reliable preservers of justice still left in the Judiciary, who knows where this country might be today.

Don’t believe me? Go on shooting yourself in the foot then.

We will not be silenced

Despite the large-scale opposition to the Protection Of Information Bill [POIB] from all the opposition parties, civil society, the media and other interest groups, the ANC majority in the National Assembly steam-rolled it through the first stage anyway.

The ANC has, during its tenure done many loathsome things that demonstrated it’s utter disdain for the people of this country, but I don’t think anything said “fuck you” quite like this event.

The jackasses who voted for this abhorrent piece of legislation have very short memories about the involvement of their predecessors [albeit more honourable persons] from the ANC, in the fight for justice and freedom against the previous apartheid government. Even in the shadow of world events, especially in North Africa where ordinary people have ousted the tyrants that have dared to go too far in toying with their aspirations…

Perhaps all tyrants need to learn the hard way, fall the hard way; the ANC are no exceptions.

But all is not lost. The Bill still needs to be ratified by another House of Parliament. And if they should also piss on the protestations of the people, there is the Constitutional Court.

Let’s hope it does not have to go beyond there, because we will not be silenced.

A week after the elections…

The Times Online, February 02, 2010

Politics in South Africa is back to normal. We’re going to miss the run-up to the elections when the assholes in the contending political parties tried to be nice to us for a few weeks.

Now that the vote has been secured, it’s back to the same petty squabbling, deceit and plain stupidity one has come to expect routinely from the swine of the earth – our glorious self-serving politicians.

Admittedly I haven’t heard too much from the Democratic Alliance (DA), but they’re no doubt busy behind the scenes savouring the gains they have made and plottting their next moves. No so however with the African National Congress (ANC).

They’ve been quite vocal. From the idiot former mayor in the Eastern Cape who urged his followers to burn down a local newspaper and drive opposition voters into the sea for allegedly supporting the DA, to  ANC Secretary General Gwede Mantashe disingenuously claiming that the leader of their Youth League, Julius Malema lost them some votes. Then we had President Jacob Zuma calling for an enquiry into the running of a Municipality by the DA prior to the elections and which they had retained control of after the elections. Off course the DA cried foul, calling it a political stunt, and perhaps they have a point because it’s practically unheard off for the ANC to call for investigations into anything, particularly since the ANC are alleged to be involved in major financial irregularities in practically every local council they have under their control.

Meanwhile minor political parties and independents who won a few seats, began the rather unsavory job of prostituting themselves by getting into the bed of the heavy-weights, mainly the ANC. The ANC off course lost no time in securing these liaisons because they’ve become quite adept at sleeping with anybody and anything that furthers their self-serving nature.

But all of these events pale in comparison to the ANC’s threat to stymie further debate on the Secrecy Bill, more formally known as the Protection of Information Bill (POIB), and hasten it through Parliament. Their intent is obviously to use their majority to pass the Bill, thus stifling freedom of speech which they hope will accord them the protections to continue with the raiding of the treasury among other more dastardly deeds.

Now that the sweet smiles from government that greeted us during the elections have turned into ugly fangs, it’s time to resume our vigilance and bring out the anti-venom.

Say, what? #1

I’m starting a new series on this blog which will basically interpret what certain people said, what they actually meant, what they should have said or what they are probably secretly thinking. Naturally, most of the subjects who will be analysed will be politicians and the clergy, not because they are the source of the most lies told, but because they do say some of the dumbest things you’re ever likely to hear.

For my first subject, I chose Jacob Zuma, President of South Africa. I will analyse the speech [full text here] he gave in Parliament today, in response to the well-deserved lambasting he received from almost everyone, over his State of the Nation Address he delivered last week.

Well, here we go:

We requested that this year’s State of the Nation Address coincide with the 20th anniversary of Madiba’s release.

We did this both to celebrate that historic moment and to pay tribute to his legacy as a leader, a revolutionary, and the founding President of our democratic state.

What he was secretly thinking was We did this to cash in on the limelight of a truly great leader (Mandela), one I (Zuma) don’t think I can ever emulate. Why must I always bask in the shadow of him?

Last year, when the State of the Nation Address was delivered at 11am, SABC 2 viewership was 1, 5 million and E TV viewership was 487 000.

This year the SABC2 viewership at 7pm, shot up to more than 2, 5 million and ETV rose to slightly more than 1, 3 million.

What he didn’t say was Thank you a-holes for wasting your evening listening to my boring drivel. I hope you will tune in again next year for the next installment of Promises and Lies. What he was secretly thinking was I hope those cameras don’t catch my ANC buddies dozing off here in Parliament while I drone on.

We have achieved a lot since 1994

What he was secretly thinking was You palookas should see our bank accounts? We’ve been cashing in since 1994.

Millions of our people have access to many basic services including water, housing, electricity, social security and others that they never had before.

What he forgot to add was Millions more don’t have basic services, but you know there is only so much you can do in 15 years… and we did have all those struggle comrades who had needs too…

However, we still have a lot of work to do, and we never hide this fact

What he was secretly thinking was Shit, I wish we had finished by now. I still need to enjoy the benefits of being a struggle hero, and all those wives…eish.

The debate on the State of the Nation Address has demonstrated the richness and diversity of political engagement in our society.

What he was actually saying was The State of the Nation Address has demonstrated that these people are cotttoning onto my pathetic lies and poor leadership qualities

We welcome the statement by Honourable Patricia De Lille, that the Independent Democrats are ready to roll up their sleeves and dirty their hands to work hard to build our country.

What he was secretly thinking was Because, we struggle heros in ANC are sure as hell not going to dirty our own well-manicured hands

Honourable Mike Ellis, there is no need for anyone to defend the President.

What he omitted to say was Because I have appointed my good buddies’ brother Mo Shaik as head of the Secret Service. He will ensure that I have Mo than enough protection. In fact, his acquaintances are already doing a good job beating up pedestrians who have the audacity to flip the bird at my speeding motorcade. Freedom of expression and state security do not mix. So sorry.

I knew exactly what I wanted to say in the State of the Nation Address, and I said it.

Actually what he meant was I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but that asshole spin-doctor who wrote my speech, got it all wrong. As soon as things calm down, I’m going to fire his ass.

The State of the Nation Address covered the new era we are entering as government.

This is an era of doing things differently, an era of ensuring that our work is determined by clear outcomes, and of increasing the pace and form of service delivery.

That is our new way of doing things.

What he actually meant was, We’re going to make more promises, and do even less, but we hope you won’t notice.

That is because we have not changed our priorities

Meaning We, the politicians will serve ourselves first, as always.

Drone, drone, drone, drone, yadddah, yaddah, yaddah, blah, blah, blah…and much later…

We said in the State of the Nation Address that we want South Africans to be safe and to feel safe.

We fully understand the feelings and views of South Africans about crime and corruption.

What he meant was We haven’t got the slightest clue how to ensure your safety, but we think understanding your feelings is the first step…

As Honourable Mbalula and Jeffery pointed out, we have a number of interventions in place to improve the functioning of the criminal justice system.

Such as appointing ANC-friendly people in key judiciary positions who will be sympathetic to our cadre’s indiscretions, while ensuring that the police will always serve the ruling party first, just like they did during Apartheid.

We are working on several initiatives to address corruption in government procurement.

What he didn’t say was But we hope they never get implemented because then our deployed cadres will have to find other sources of extra income.

The demand for water will only increase, and our sewage management infrastructure will come under strain as time goes on.

What he omitted to say was Because more and more shit is going to come out of Parliament.

At this point I’m not going to bother with the rest of his speech, as my head hurts from reading all the deceit…