Black Friday Special

Cripes! While you’ve been shopping your heads off, mine has just become the number one target for two countries.

Yes folks, the list of countries where my head would be most highly sought after, has just grown by 100%. I had resolved never to visit Saudi Arabia because I feared my (non) religious beliefs would surely see me parted from my head.

But now it seems North Korea has joined the head-hunting party. Reports suggest that authorities are ordering citizens to copy that lunatic Kim Jong Un’s shitty hairstyle. There is a further report that offending long locks such as mine are being cut by university student monitors. Now I don’t know who or what they are, but I’m not about to find out.

Losing my head or long locks would be equally terrible for me.

Advertisements

Bring back Clarkson

Daddy didn’t give affection, no!
And the boy was something that mommy wouldn’t wear
King Jeremy The Wicked
Ruled his world

I love cars. Which is why I love Top Gear.

But I soon discovered that Top Gear is not all about cars. Oh no, it’s about Jeremy Clarkson. It’s not a one-man show, but his sidekicks Richard Hammond and James May, proficient though they are in their own right, are like the cars they feature, little more than beautiful (and did I say accomplished?) props.

Top Gear is almost all about Jeremy. Funny, irritating, laughing, teasing, politically incorrect, offensive, shameless, devilish Jeremy. There was a time the only reason I bothered to watch the telly, apart from sport off course, was because of Top Gear.

And now he’s in trouble again.

This time, suspended for allegedly throwing a punch at a BBC producer. The reason does not matter. Producers after all are supposed to serve gods actors food on time… and take a punch or two for the greater good.

There’s a litany of indiscretions that’s got him into trouble before, but the BBC knowing what a treasure he is, sensibly did not let those mundane distractions keep him off the box. But now it appears to be different. Two whole shows have been postponed. That’s pretty darned alarming.

So he’s alluded to truck drivers being murderers of prostitutes, and called former Prime Minister Gordon Brown a “one-eyed Scottish idiot.” So fucking what? I despise truck drivers who’s only mission in life seems to be to cause traffic chaos, and everyone knows Gordon Brown is an idiot. Surely we don’t need to be convinced.

But it’s also alleged that Clarkson has offended various race groups, nationalities and religious denominations around the world, including Mexicans, Argentinians, Asians, Muslims and Indians. Boo fucking hoo! People are just too darn sensitive.

Hey, I’m Indian (South African), and I was not at all offended by Clarkson’s remark about Indians being unsanitary. India is on my bucket list of places NEVER to visit, up there with Saudi Arabia (practically all of the Middle East actually), North Korea, Pakistan, Malaysia and 98% of Africa. No, not even when I’m dead and my atoms return to star-dust.

The guy’s a gifted comedian for fuck’s sake. The world needs more of them really badly.

Yes, there’s a much more selfish reason why Jeremy just has to come back. The Top Gear Live Show is scheduled to return to Johannesburg, South Africa in a couple of months, and I DO NOT want to miss that. It just won’t be the same. It would be Stuck In Gear.

Kim Jong-il (1941/42 – 2011)

English: Kim Jong-il Русский: Ким Чен Ир 日本語: ...

Image via Wikipedia

What are the chances? Kim Jong-il dying at about the same time as Christopher Hitchens who absolutely despised the North Korean dictator. Some coincidence, yes?

While Hitchens’ death was mostly lamented and regretted, Kim’s death was mourned openly, as evidenced by this YouTube video, to a degree that is quite bewildering. Now that is deeply disturbing.

Either the North Korean people genuinely loved the degenerate old tosser, or the show of grief is a put-on by a fearful populace. I’m going with the latter.

The passing of this evil tyrant will be mostly welcomed by all people in the world who have their heads screwed on right, but it also leaves everyone a bit jittery about what’s going to happen to the country which has nuclear capability. Kim’s successor, his own son Kim Jong-un appears to be just as evil, if not more so, just judging by this picture embedded after fact number 14 of this article in The Telegraph.

Off course there are a few sub-humans in the world who are at this moment bemoaning the death of Kim Jong-il and the decimation of the Despots Club; most notably one Robert Gabriel Mugabe of Zimbabwe. And it’s only a matter of time until some dingbat in South Africa’s own dictatorship-in-the-making, the ANC, will come out publicly to sing the praises of Dear Leader.

Now if only Mad Bob would croak before the end of the year in less than two weeks; it would be a bumper year indeed for the obliteration of tyrannical pieces of fecal matter. Come on Santa, make it happen!

Just because it would make me feel better: Rant Alert #01

A couple of incidents that caught my attention over the last few days which I’d like to get off my chest:

Paranoia is a particularly nasty characteristic of human behaviour. It normally results in harmful actions being perpetrated against fellow human beings, and atrocities being committed in extreme cases. When governments are the perpetrators of violent reactions to perceived dangers it can get really ugly. The American government reaction to the 9/11 incident is a case in point.

The Israeli raid on the Gaza-bound humanitarian aid vessels which resulted in the loss of several lives, is the most recent incident of government paranoia. This dastardly act must be condemned in the strongest possible terms, and Israel made to make reparations.

Civilized governments are elected to lead, and demonstrate restraint when dealing with emotional matters. They are not elected to take the lead in demonstrating crass and violent behaviour. Off course, this rules out all those who govern un-elected or by force; crass behaviour is to be expected from them as despots can never be true leaders.

____________________

I read with utter amusement today that the ANC is considering disciplinary action against trade union leader, Zwelinzima Vavi (whose union happens to be an ally of the ruling party), for revealing that senior ANC members exploit their political connections to enrich themselves, and are further involved in other acts of corruption.

Eh! excuse me but this revelation is not news to us; it’s no big secret at all, but a well-known fact. You’re just peeved that one of your own is confirming it. It’s not strange though, because the bastards who are involved in corruption, always seem to be in the dark about their own illegal behaviour.

____________________

The North Korean soccer team arrived in the country today for the FIFA 2010 Soccer World Cup, with apparently very little fanfare. It’s to be expected though, as they are one of the lesser fancied teams in this tournament. They must be expecting to enjoy a little more freedom while over here; only if allowed by the Korean government chaperones that undoubtedly accompanied them.

While South Africa is by far a more  progressive and liberal country than North Korea, it may come as a bit of a shock to them to find out that we have a certain cabal in government, and a so-called leader of a certain youth organization, who are hell-bent on turning South Africa into a repressive shit-hole, just like North Korea.

Boobquake: A reasoned response to radical religious rectitude

If you haven’t heard or read about Boobquake by now, then you’re missing out on one of the most amusing social events of the decade. Well, in case you’ve just come back from Outer Mongolia or North Korea, allow me to fill you in.

It all started when a delusional Iranian cleric, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi proclaimed during a recent Islamic prayer sermon, that:

Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes

That bombshell so incensed blogger Jen McCreight, that she not only posted a blog about it, but started a Facebook group called Boobquake which invites people around the world (I suppose it was meant to be directed at women) to participate in Boobquake along with her on Monday, 26 April 2010. Basically she’s asking that everyone join her in wearing immodest clothing or revealing some cleavage, but according to strict (read ridiculous) Islamic morality, could mean revealing so much as an ankle. It’s being touted as a scientific experiment to prove that women who dress immodestly do not increase the chances of earthquakes occurring, or cause them in the first place.

Needless to say, the Facebook group has gone viral, and as I write this, has attracted 155,861 confirmed guests (which includes men; and yes, I joined too, not to reveal my non-existant boobs, but in protest against religious stupidity) and a further 48,689 people who may be joining.

Now anyone with half a brain knows that immodestly dressed, or even completely naked women for that matter, don’t cause more earthquakes. Even some cursory reading will reveal that earthquakes or seismic activity is caused by the sudden release of pressure in the earth’s crust. However if you are prone to being mesmerized by clerics such as Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi or Pat Robertson, then you’re bound to believe the bullshit that they are caused by women or god or both. Statements like those below from Sedighi, only serve to delay mankind’s journey to enlightenment, and should be re-consigned to the Dark Ages from whence it originates:

What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble? There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam’s moral codes

If by some weird co-incidence an earthquake does erupt on  Monday, one can only hope that our ignorant little cleric from Iran is at the epicentre, if only to bring the spreading of crass ideology to an end. These religious cretins whose fundamentalist religious doctrines, cause so much distress to women and children, and the world in general, deserve a much harsher punishment, but one would have to stoop to their level to wish it upon them.

So come Monday, I look forward to seeing some extra cleavage or even whole boobs, but I would honestly just settle for some sexy ankle. Women are at liberty for one day, to release their weapons of mass distraction [WMD’s] upon this religious crazy world.

Can the Clintons save us from bad politicians?

Maybe not, but they’re trying, country by country.

While Bill takes on the bad guys in the Far-East, Hillary is taking on the bad guys in Africa. First score to Bill Clinton: successfully negotiating the release of two American journalists, imprisoned in North Korea. And he probably had to negotiate with that shrivelled old freak, Kim Jong-Il.

Hillary, meanwhile is in Africa, and is due in South Africa any day now. Can she claim the next score, by negotiating the release of two very expensive BMW 750i’s from a certain SA Cabinet Minister who apparently has more taste than sense. Go on Hillary, we know you can.