You ANC nothing yet, 'cause we CAN do nothin' right

So Jacob Zuma went to his speech cabinet yesterday to mark the ANC’s 99th Anniversary, and pulled out one from the drawer labelled Rhetoric instead of the one marked Truth.

And if you’re interested in what it said [although for the love of all that’s still  honest and decent about humanity, I don’t know why] , please go fetch here. If however you want the paraphrased version, continue reading below:

Comrades and Compatriots [that means the ignorant masses and ANC-sycophants, in case you were wondering],

Today the African National Congress is 99 years old and thus enters its 100th year of its existence. [Actually the ANC that we all admired, ceased to exist in 2007 after that fateful Polokwane Conference. This ANC that is 99 years old, is a fraud, but let’s hear what they have to say anyway]

When we celebrate our centenary in Mangaung next year, we will be celebrating the triumph of a people united in struggle…blah, blah, blah…. yaddah, yaddah.

More revolutionary rhetoric…..followed by self-congratulations.

Promises…promises…lies…lies…lies…more promises.

Promises…promises…lies…blatant lie…promises…lies…small white lie…more promises.

Jobs…more jobs…lies…lies…promises…more lies.

Revolutionary psycho-babble…more lies…a slight twist of the truth….more lies…more promises…more revolutionary gobble-de-gook.

Mention of the World Cup yet again…more promises…promises…we will…another lie.

Achievements…best performing branches…congratulations [according to the ANC’s low standards of course]

We salute our comrades, who have passed on during the past year. These comrades have made a lasting contribution to the struggle for freedom in South Africa and will be greatly missed [a long list, most of whom you won’t recognize, or have ever heard about; condolences nonetheless]

In recognition of the selfless sacrifices of these and other dedicated comrades, and mindful of the fact that it is only through all our people working together that we will create a better life for all, the NEC declares this, the year of CONSOLIDATING PEOPLES` POWER FOR THE NATIONAL DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY. [but a much better life for those of us running this sham of a government, no doubt]

And the conclusion that Zuma probably uttered silently: We promise to continually fuck you over until Jesus returns, or until the majority of you lazy bums start thinking for yourselves…