Fat heads, fat cats and fat lies

Just when you think our politicians have sunk to the depths of utter depravity, they somehow manage to astound you even further.

This week while browsing through the local newspapers online, it felt as though I was reading The Onion, but you just can’t make this shit up. South African politicians are notorious for their self-indulgent and disdainful behaviour, they’re also pretty reckless when it comes to revealing how utterly inane they are.

Must come naturally; just has to be…

While our President was castigating the media about being unpatriotic for reporting on crime and corruption, telling them how their negativity made him think about fleeing the country, a Premier from the Northern Cape was well into a spending spree, splashing out around R50,000 of taxpayers’ money on fast food. Meanwhile the ANC Deputy Chief Whip in Parliament was regaling the house with tales about how Christians don’t lie.

President Zuma told a bunch of journalism students that on a recent trip to Mexico, he was told that the Mexican press does not report on crime in that country because it was patriotic not to do so, in order for the country to succeed. Seems the President was blissfully unaware of how the Mexican press was self-censoring out of fear, in one of the world’s most dangerous countries. So our President is either gullible or bending the truth to suit his own agenda. I pick, witless.

Another member of this artless bunch of fat cats, Sylvia Lucas was only recently inaugurated as Premier of the Northern Cape, by none other that President Zuma. She however lost no time in getting to grips with taxpayers’ money… by blowing it on junk food. A spokesperson from her department left reporters with this gem:

How would we have eaten if we didn’t use taxpayers’ money?

And to round things off, Chief Whip Doris Dlakude, another passenger on President Zuma’s gravy train, was quite nonchalant about dodging the responsibility of scheduling a critical debate in Parliament by revealing a sacred truth; that Christians don’t lie:

We are Christians here, we are not going to lie to anyone. We are still committing to this debate, it will see the light of day.

And that wraps up another week in the lives of our hysterical politicians. Off course, there’s much more to come; it’s a given.

Holy bird poop!!!

Right now, Cristal and Salvador Pachuca of Bryan, Mexico are probably sitting on their porch worshipping admiring the side mirror of their pickup truck mounted on a shelf, which has some bird dropping splattered on it.

Last month (on the 12Th of July) a bird pooped on the Pachuca’s pickup truck which Salvador had just washed. Upon examining the smear on the side mirror (more likely the side window, from this photograph) he thought it contained the image of the Virgin Mary, and it seems that a steady stream of visitors have confirmed it as the Virgin Guadalupe. Cristal Pachuca was quoted as saying:

We just all feel protected. It’s a blessing to our family and to everybody that comes to see it

and

I think we’re going to just put it on a shelf outside, probably take off the mirror and keep it there cause its something special to us. I’m not going to wash it off

It seems that the Virgin Mary (and even Jesus) are desperately craving attention by manifesting themselves in all sorts of strange objects from chair covers to peanut butter bottles. Either that or people desperate for some sort of spiritual intervention in their lives, are manifesting their desires onto the strangest of objects. And there seems to be a direct correlation between the strangeness of the object and the desire to believe: the more outrageous the object, the stronger the willingness to accept that a supernatural force is at work.

As long as the need to believe is stronger than the need to think critically, I suppose the Virgin Mary and Jesus will continue to appear in fruit, vegetables, peanut butter and even poop. Why Allah, Krishna, Vishnu, Buddha, and other non-Christian gods are being so coy, has never been successfully explained to me. Maybe they are just too proud to appear in common poop, or they are indeed false gods.

Now imagine if an atheist found proof in an edible object, that indicates that god does not exist? It would probably go something like this.