God hates Zimbabwe… and must be a trifle miffed at South Africa too

If the maniac who is currently ruling Zimbabwe is right about God’s intentions for him, and if this deity does indeed exist, then he, she or it must surely hate that country and its people.

The loathsome human in question, one Robert Gabriel Mugabe has been in power for

Original caption: President of Zimbabwe Robert...

Image via Wikipedia

more than 30 years, and is steadily transforming it into one humongous Zimbabwe Ruin. And he believes that God has chosen him to protect Zimbabwe from the “marauding imperialists.”

I am lucky God has given me this longer life than others to be with you. I cannot let you down. I cannot leave you on your own.

Now if you happen to be a marauding imperialist, know that God hates you too. Either that, or you’re just a figment of the imagination like this deity that Mugabe holds so dear.

While ordinary Zimbabweans show up as apathetic at best, their only hope at opposition to Monster Mugabe appears to be a bumbling, whiner who seems to be as interested in power for the sake of it, as the incumbent. Morgan Tsvangirai, far from being a threat, actually makes Insane Bob look like a desirable leader.

But the hating does not stop there. Some of God’s ire seems to be focussed on neighbouring South Africa which has been encumbered with a bunch of thieves to run the country, while outwardly masquerading as a liberation movement. And surprise, surprise, these louts who have already turned South Africa into their personal fiefdom, have publicly given their support [for his re-election to President] to Mad Bob Mugabe, so that he can rape Zimbabwe for another five years.

With benevolence like this, who needs the Devil?

Mad Bob and Malema’s Excellent Weekend

Today Mad Bob Mugabe celebrates 30 years as Tyrant in Chief (TIC) of Zimbabwe. But he was not always a tyrant; for a while he was revered as a liberator of his people from colonial domination. However, for now, he has set himself up to be a TIC for life, just like the parasite that settles on a dog’s back, until squashed to death.

In 30 years he has taken his country from an agricultural powerhouse to a beggar nation. The country now survives on handouts from the imperialist nations that Mad Bob so despises in public, but secretly covets. His disastrous land re-distribution policies have only benefitted his family and cronies in government and elsewhere. Yet today, he leads both the deluded and disillusioned peoples of his country in celebrations – of utter failure.

Zimbabwe will regain freedom and a foothold to former prosperity only when Mad Bob dies naturally, or is squashed to death, just like a TIC. That much is certain.

Further South, Julius Malema, fresh from taking lessons in Zimbabwe on how to ruin a country in short shift, is rabble-rousing around the country, spreading the gospel of land-redistribution to the sheeple. As promised only a week or so ago, he is touting the failed policies of Mad Bob to any fool who will listen during this latest idiotic crusade:

You need land to do everything. Without land, voting means nothing. You vote and you still go beg

No Julius, you don’t need land to do everything; you need intelligence and a willingness to work to do everything. Voting for the incumbent ANC means nothing anyway, whether you have land or not. In half the time it took Mad Bob to totally ruin Zimbabwe, the ANC is well set to do the same to South Africa. The signs are all there. The tyranny of ANC rule is becoming all too apparent 16 years into South Africa’s own liberation from the tyranny of Apartheid. As in Zimbabwe, the liberator first liberates the country of its wealth, then it turns into the despicable monster that it liberated you from.

It’s quite evident that Julius has delusions of grandeur about being the TIC who presides over the 30-year celebrations of South Africa’s liberation from Apartheid, and re-enslavement under ANC tyranny.

South Africans must beware the TIC on the dog’s back which grows fatter every day, or suffer the consequences.

Everyone’s a Millionaire in Bob’s Own Zimbabwe

Mad Bob's Crazy Money

Mad Bob's Crazy Money


With Zimbabwe’s inflation running in the hundreds of millions, printing new banknotes has become an almost weekly occurrence. Everyone’s walking around with billion dollar notes; lots of them. One could quite literally say that every Zimbabwean is a millionaire; no wait, billionaire actually. Only yesterday, Mad Bob’s lunatic government started printing 100 trillion Zimbabwe dollar notes. Yes, that’s 100 followed by 14 zeros!!! SO now, we have trillionairs also in Zimbabwe. And Mad Bob’s pleased as punch because his country is the only one in the world with trillionairs.



Pocket Money?

Pocket Money?




Only in Zimbabwe, your kid’s pocket money won’t fit in his pocket.






Weekly Shopping budget?

Weekly Shopping budget?










Going shopping can be fun, if you can find anything to buy, that is. But you need a shopping trolley to carry your money in, and a free hand to carry your shopping.


Restaurant Bill?

Restaurant Bill?




Being able to eat out is always nice. Just make sure you have a valet to carry your cash to settle the bill!!!

Zim’s Inflated Inflation In Full Flight

I read somewhere today that Zimbabwe’s inflation rate is in excess of 231 000 000 percent (231 million). Apparently the government of Zimbabwe (can we call them that?) stopped estimating the rate of inflation in August last year when this ridiculous level was reached. Who knows what it actually stands at now?

I mean what’s up with that? Is Mad Bob Mugabe trying to set some sort of bizarre record by topping one billion percent before finally relinquishing his illegitimate hold on power? Is this guy for real? How is it possible for the leader of any one country, no matter how despotic, to screw up the economy of his country this badly? How is it possible that the world, and more specifically, the regional economic power South Africa, allowed him to achieve such a monumentally criminal feat? Is leadership insanity from East, Central, West and North Africa catching on, in the Southern part of Africa too?

Answers on a postcard, please, to Mr. Robert Gabriel Mugabe, Great Zimbabwe Ruins, Masvingo, Zimbabwe. Just note that Mad Bob has for the next month or so, taken leave (no, not of his senses; that happened a while ago already) to go on a holiday. Yeah, that’s right, even tyrants need a break from the exhausting business of ruining countries and people’s lives.