The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – A Trilogy in Five Parts, by Douglas Adams

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (THHGTTG), the first book in the science fiction series has been around since 1979. It was followed by The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Life, the Universe and Everything, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, and Mostly Harmless, the last in the series in 1992.

I had not read any of them until a few months ago, and I will never forgive myself for this outrage. You see, such have I revelled in the experience, that I’m absolutely certain that I would have read the entire series, a few times by now, had I bothered to make the effort even a few years ago, before the Hollywood film adaptation was released.

There’s not much of a plot in any of the books in the series. It chronicles the mis-adventures of a wacky bunch of characters, both earthlings and aliens, through multiple dimensions of space and time. And it’s flipping hilarious.

But that’s not the reason I found it hard to put down, until I had finished reading them all consecutively, over a period of a few weeks. And it was not because of the most improbable cast of characters ever to have been dreamt up: Arthur Dent the clueless Englishman, Ford Prefect the alien from the vicinity of Betelgeuse who travels the galaxy posting ridiculous facts about the places he visits in the guidebook of the title, Zaphod Beeblebrox a two-headed alien, Trillian, another earthling, Marvin the Paranoid Android, Slartibartfast of the planet-building planet Magrathea, who designs coastlines, Zarquon the prophet, Wonko the Sane another earthling, Random Dent, Arther’s daughter through a sperm donation, Protestnic Vogon Jeltz the Vogon captain hell-bent on destroying earth, Old Thrashbarg a shaman from the planet Lamuella, Oolon Colluphid the famous author of such books as Where God went Wrong, Some More of God’s Mistakes and Who Is This God Person Anyway? and many, many more.

But apart from the characters, you will come across some of the strangest places in the galaxy: the Folfanga star system, Frogstar World A, B and C, the Megabrantus Cluster where the Vogons hail from, the Squornshellous star system, the Ydsdllodins star system, the Planets Arkintoofle Minor, Bartledan, Blagulon Kappa, Eroticon [no explanations needed], Gagrakacka, Golgafrincham, Kakrafoon, Krikkit, NowWhat, Voondon and many others.

But it’s not about the strange star systems and planets either. No.

What makes this series of books so utterly amazing is what I believe to be the ultimate goal of Douglas Adams in writing them. He writes about the utterly bizarre, and the ridiculously improbable, not to show that all things are possible as some have been lead to believe, but that skepticism is the most essential tool for understanding life and the universe. The weird and wonderful people and places in the galaxies that are visited by our heroes in the books are actually metaphors for the strange beliefs people hold in religions, superstitions, pseudoscience, alternative medicine, homeopathy, astrology, the paranormal and other dogmas.

And did I mention that it’s funny as hell?

I think you’ll agree as I sample some of my favorite quotes from the various books.

From The Restaurant at the End of the Universe:

The Jatravartids, who live in perpetual fear of the time they call the Coming of the Great White Handkerchief, are small blue creatures with more than fifty arms each, who are therefore unique in being the only race in history to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.

One of the major problems encountered in time travel is not that of accidentally becoming your own father or mother. There is no problem involved in becoming your own father or mother that a broadminded and well-adjusted family can’t cope with.

To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

From Life, the Universe and Everything:

Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?

From So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish:

For a moment he felt good about this. A moment or two later he felt bad about feeling good about it. Then he felt good about feeling bad about feeling good about it and, satisfied, drove on into the night.

There is a feeling which persists in England that making a sandwich interesting, attractive, or in any way pleasant to eat is something sinful that only foreigners do.

Mark Knopfler has an extraordinary ability to make a Schecter Custom Stratocaster hoot and sing like angels on a Saturday night, exhausted from being good all week and needing a stiff beer.

‘It seemed to me,’ said Wonko the Sane, ‘that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane.’

…a scientist must also be absolutely like a child. If he sees a thing, he must say that he sees it, whether it was what he thought he was going to see or not. See first, think later, then test. But always see first. Otherwise you will only see what you were expecting.

Let’s be straight here. If we find something we can’t understand, we like to call it something you can’t understand, or indeed pronounce.

From Mostly Harmless:

Few things are worse than fall in New York. Some of the things that live in the lower intestines of rats would disagree, but most of the things that live in the lower intestines of rats are highly disagreeable anyway, so their opinion can and should be discounted. When it’s fall in New York, the air smells as if someone’s been frying goats in it, and if you are keen to breathe, the best plan is to open a window and stick your head in a building.

Surely the notion that great lumps of rock whirling in space knew something about your day that you didn’t must take a bit of a knock from the fact that there was suddenly a new lump of rock out there that nobody had known about before.

The Vampire Diaries does not suck after all…

I started buying these DVD box sets a while ago. Initially, because of my utter delight with the antics of Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May, on the BBC production Top Gear, I bought everything I could find related to that series.

At the same time, I started collecting fascinating documentaries such as David Attenborough’s Life series and The Incredible Human Journey and British Comedy box sets such as Fawlty Towers, among other BBC productions. Then one day about a two months ago, I strayed into the TV drama section of my favorite DVD store, and came across Dexter, Season 1.

About the only thing I can bear to watch on television these days is sport, normally just football, rugby and the occasional game of cricket; recently I have been somewhat put off the game of  cricket with the introduction of that atrocious format of the game known as 20-20. I catch my movies on DVD, or in the cinema when first released, when I can summon up the will to share an auditorium with juvenile popcorn-mascerating delinquents.

I don’t watch drama series on television; I have over the years lost the necessary patience and discipline required to stick to a weekly viewing schedule. I did try with Prison Break, but I failed, and that was to my mind the most compelling television I had ever watched, until I found Dexter. I had heard the series being mentioned on a local radio station, and was intrigued, so that made the decision to buy, a little easier; and boy, am I glad I did.

The writers and producers of this series are pure genius; especially the writers. Visual entertainment allows us to escape our invariably dull real lives; it allows us to relate to the characters on-screen and  fantasize for a little while. In this particular case, Dexter, the anti-hero, even allows one to seriously re-examine the suffocating limits of morality; the extremist black and white limits set by religious bigotry can now be challenged. Dexter demonstrates that bad, can be good! I readily admit to fantacizing about applying the gory disposal techniques demonstrated by Dexter, to certain deceitful, arrogant and corrupt members of our own government, here in South Africa.

Dexter, Season 1 went by all too quickly; a testament to how enthralled I was. Recently I found myself looking for Season 2, but could not find it; I did find Season 3, which leaves me delighted in anticipation. However, not finding Season 2, on the shelves, I came across The Vampire Diaries Season 1 and made a rash decision to purchase it; being swayed by the recent public fascination with Vampire movies.

At this point, I need to make it quite clear that I’m a Skeptic and proudly consider myself a member of the community of critical thinkers; which means that I not only have no interest in the occult or supernatural, I find beliefs in them to be rather disturbing. And I did not fail to notice the plethora of television drama series concerned with the supernatural, which fills the shelves of my DVD retailer. It’s actually quite concerting that the supernatural is such a popular theme.

But that just leaves me to explain why I chose to buy The Vampire Diaries. Well, it’s simple. I confess to a secret desire to live forever; and sucking on pretty girl’s necks for a lifetime does seem to be a particuarly pleasurable way to live through eternity. Off course, my aversion to direct sunshine, and the fact that blood-sucking reminds me of politicians, are other reasons.

Anyway, to continue my tale of entertainment seduction; I watched the first episode of The Vampire Diaries a few weeks ago and was utterly disappointed. My first impression was that it was made specifically for love-struck teenagers. The mushy romance permeating through the first episode left me feeling nauseated. I switched off, and threw the DVD box into a cupboard in disgust.

However, a few days ago I happened to be downloading some new software I purchased from Cyberlink, and did not have anything to do, what with my not-so-broad, broadband link informing me that the download would take all off 7 hours. With my internet connection being commandeered for that interminable duration, I turned to my DVD collection. Having already watched Dexter Season 1 and everything else, I turned to the discarded Vampire Diaries in utter desperation.

To cut a tedious story short, I was pleasantly surprised, as Episode 2 seemed to develop beyond my expectations, and so did the following Episodes. The mushy romance is still there, but the introduction of witches and more Vampires has sparked a new interest for me; especially the witches as I have a special empathy for those persecuted by religious bigots.

Anyway, there’s no hope for me now; I’m hooked on The Vampire Diaries too…

Love your life, live your life, for there is probably nothing after death

Are you one of those people who are just waiting to die so that you can cash in your “morally good” life, in exchange for a place in heaven, partying with your particular version of god? And perhaps some of you in this group, who are a little apprehensive about hell, are right now tearing your hair out trying to be “good.”

Or perhaps you are one of those fatalistic people who are “exceedingly good” and believe that you will be spared the agony of death, to be raptured into heaven on a winged horse or something equally spectacular. And perhaps right now, you are fervently praying for the second coming.

Or maybe you are one of those people who is naturally hard on himself or herself, and are just waiting for death so that you can get on with your next life or re-incarnation. And perhaps some in this last mentioned group who are just a little apprehensive about what form their next incarnation might be, are right now spending an awful lot of time trying to be “good.”

Or perhaps you, like me, are none of the above, and have “discovered” through critical thinking that life is all we have, and we need to own it, love it and live it. There is absolutely no evidence for anything spectacular or painful or even mundane, after death; and thus there is no reason to think about it, worry about it or dream about it. Rather, think about life, dream about life, even worry about life, if you must. Or better still; touch it, feel it, share it.

Perhaps the following words of wisdom supposedly written by an old man, sent to me only recently by a work colleague will help to contextualize my plea:

First, I was dying to finish my high school and start college

And then I was dying to finish college and start working

Then I was dying to marry and have children

Then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I could go back to work

But then I was dying to retire

And now I am dying…

And suddenly I realized I forgot to live