Heatmaps to give a f@@k about

Fuck you!

A common enough phrase. But would you care how often it was being said? Would you actually keep count?

Seems a company called Vertaline did just that. They tracked tweets from 100’s of locations across the USA containing the phrase “fuck you,” over a 10-day period in July this year, and created a heatmap that recorded its distribution.

And the results?

New York City and Los Angeles take a bow. It seems you do indeed give a fuck about the usage of flowery language.

However this doesn’t mean shit according to the article from where I got this crap, because the heat signatures correlate with high population densities in those areas, and hence does not make for a very scientific evaluation.

Now after reading this, I wondered how this use of heatmaps could be put to use right here in South Africa. Since we’re all pretty much fucked under the current government, I wondered if Vertaline could find another way to use heatmaps that would amuse us, and keep us busy until our turn comes to bend over.

What if they could creat heatmaps that measured levels of bigotry and sophistry. We could then have hours of fun as we uncover the gatherings off our politicians, and posh meeting venues they favour. No points for figuring out which political party is raising the most “heat” – we all know don’t we; we’re just curious about how much more than the others. Naturally, Parliament would have to be excluded; we all know what a hothouse of “fuck the people,”  that place is.

Would you be interested in my fairly brilliant idea? Do you actually give a fuck?

Don’t drink and drive…you may run into some police officers who haven’t mastered the decimal system yet

I came across this blog post in Mail & Gaurdian’s Thought Leader titled Fuck the police and realized we’re in much more serious trouble than I thought. I think it’s pretty much accepted by now that our police officers are not the brightest, most honest or competent men in uniform, but it is just plain ludicrous when policemen accountable for handling an alcohol testing instrument cannot tell which is a higher number, 0.04 or 0.010.

On a related note, only recently I wrote about how ANC spokesperson, Jackson Mthembu was arrested for driving under the influence, and how the police at the Mowbray police station were reluctant to process him because of his political connections. Well, it now turns out that there are moves to suspend the use of the Dräger breathalyzer machines (one of which was used to test Mthembu as being over three times the legal limit) because of concerns over its certification and calibration.

This development coming so soon after the arrest has led to suspicions that the ANC-aligned National Prosecuting Authority are trying to influence the outcome of the impending DUI case against Mthembu. It brings back memories about how a certain President escaped prosecution from fraud and corruption charges when the law was conveniently circumnavigated in his favor. Do rats smell?

May I suggest that the entire police force be recalibrated to perform the duties expected of law-keepers, and all our ruling politicians be certified as manipulative, thieving assholes?