The most expensive WordPress template in the world?

Would you pay a web development company R40m [$4.41m] to create a website for you? Surely not!

That’s what the Free State Provincial Government [which is led by the African National Congress] in South Africa, forked out to a web development agency which strangely does not even have their own website. Actually the amount is in dispute, with the Provincial government claiming it was R40m while the newspaper that leaked the story reported an astounding R140m.

But that’s not all. It appears that the designers used a WordPress theme called London Live, to create the website which goes for $40, or at the latest exchange rate, around 362 South African Rands. [Read one such report here].

That makes London Live, the most expensive template ever designed… or there are some serious shenanigans at work here. If you consider that WordPress themes are really easy to use and one need not be an expert at using a CMS to make design changes, it would take an experienced web designer a few days or less to create a really stunning site. So either the design agency has pulled off the mother of all web-design con jobs, or there’s some sort of fraud involved here.

With the ANC having a well-known history of fraud and corruption up to the highest levels in government, I’m going with MASSIVE FRAUD.

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Update, 13 March 2013:

The woman who handed out this ludicrous tender to the design agency, a Director-General at the time, has been promoted by the Provincial Premier to Minister of Finance. Now don’t this beat all?

Imbeciles abound in e-tolling lobby

taxes (Photo credit: 401K)

The plot to defraud the South African public by way of sustained taxation continues…

Because it’s getting more difficult to dip bling-hungry fingers into the cooky jar without being caught, the latest attempt to filch legally by the South African government comes in the guise of e-tolling. This repugnant scheme involves coercing the already over-taxed public into paying criminally exorbitant tolls, to use South Africa’s national roads that have already been built and paid for with the public’s taxes.

When the scheme became public knowledge, the resultant outcry forced the SA government to put it on hold. However the lure of easy money could not be resisted, and they persisted in proceeding with this ruse of self-enrichment, arrogantly buoyed by the knowledge that the ignorant people who had kept them in power for nearly 20 years, would let it slide, like they did with so many other indiscretions by government.

Not this time however. Even the perpetually ignorant could not be forced to buy into this outrageous scheme to part them from their hard-earned money.

So the SA government tried the incentivizing approach by offering discounts to those who registered to hand over their cash willingly. When that did not work, they resorted to blackmail, threatening the public with surcharges for non-registration and punitive costs for late and non-payment, including threats of arrest and incarceration.

In between these extreme measures, government spin doctors such as Jimmy Manyi incredibly tried to convince the unwashed masses that paying the e-tolls was a method of “rolling out democracy.”

Not to be outdone, Nazir Alli of Sanral, the roads agency charged by government to administer this fraud scheme, pleaded with the public:

We appeal to all to obey the laws of our country . I encourage you to register so that you can enjoy these discounts.

This is how, we the public interpret this statement: Please don’t fuck with the laws we created to screw you. If you register, we’ll give you dumb fucks a discount for being such ignorant shits.

Nazir is on par with Manyi for being the biggest morons in South Africa at the moment – only Julius Malema tops that honour.

I have only one thing to say to Nazir and Manyi: Fuck you, your democracy, your toll roads and your government. I ain’t paying one red cent.

Banana man PAWNED!

In case you thought I was gonna go all political on your ass in the new year, here is some religious dissonance for your enjoyment.

Remember when evangelist Ray Comfort tried to convince anyone who would bother to listen, that the banana was one of God’s perfect creations? And remember how he stubbornly ignored all those who pointed out that the modern banana was closer to being a near-perfect creation of man, rather than some cosmic dictator.

Well it seems that Ray is quite adept at being single-minded. Here he is being thwarted by a West Indian women:

The guy is either a very smug Christian or a very successful fraud. Perhaps even both.

Shaik rattled again…Bwahahaha!!!

I don’t usually take pleasure in hearing about people being hurt…but sometimes one must make exceptions, especially when the person who has been hurt is a scumbag.

Convicted fraudster, Schabir Shaik was involved in an altercation with 4 men at his favorite golf club recently, but this time he was on the receiving end of a beating. Seems he heard the men in the clubhouse talking “ill” about President Jacob Zuma and decided to be the gallant asshole, and confront. Now, all sensible people know that you just don’t mess with 4 guys who are drinking, especially when you’re alone. Maybe on that day Shaik had too much of that goji berry juice that’s supposed to be “curing his terminal illness,” which temporarily caused him to lose his sense of judgement, but it was a godsend nevertheless.

After Shaik swindled the taxpayers, raped the Justice system and then beat up a women journalist and a worshipper at a Mosque, I’m sure most decent people would welcome this small token of justice being served. Personally I don’t think it’s nearly enough, but in a country where there is so little of it, I guess I’ll take what I can.

In case you missed it, here are the morals of this little story:

1. What goes around, comes around
2. Never defend another scumbag, or you’ll get your ass kicked.

A headline made in heaven…

Sorry Mandy, but your article about the cracks beginning to show in the Shaik family edifice just begs an honest response…

Not only do I not believe that there is any fallout in the Shaik family, with all the disdain Lady Justice has been receiving lately from our politicians and their cronies, I propose the following:

No, the cracks are beginning to show in Lady Justice’s orifice.

Whaddya Know!

Image via Wikipedia

Terminally ill convicted fraudster [I just lurv saying that] Schabir Shaik has just got another get-out-of-jail-free card.

Or perhaps it wasn’t that free. We’ll never know if his latest arrest and incarceration (?) was a quick debrief and grease session.

All that matters is that Lady Justice has been raped again. And the helpless citizens – the decent ones – can do nothing about it. This disgusting crook will be playing golf again soon; perhaps a quickie assault before supper. He now knows that it’s not illegal to beat people up while out on parole – it is the new South Africa after all.

Hurry up and die bastard!

PS – I’d like to pay for your tombstone if I can write your epitaph: Here lies a terminally dead fraudster, who excelled at raping the Justice system, again and again.

Shaik rattled, rolled back to sing-sing

M&G, March 15, 2011

Convicted fraudster Schabir Shaik, released prematurely from prison on a highly dubious terminal illness ruling, has been rounded up and taken back to prison.

Apparently this scumbag, far from being terminally ill, has been walking around with great gusto and aggression, beating people up.

But in yet another travesty of justice and what can only be described as an act of incredible disdain for the public, the South African Department of Correctional Services has incarcerated him in an isolated section of the hospital wing of the Westville Prison in the city of Durban, rather than in a cell where he belongs. He might as well have been ensconced in the Presidential Suite of the Hilton.

One can only speculate that his political connections and wealth that were probably instrumental in getting him a “get out of jail free” card, has once again resulted in him being treated with this much deference.

Nearly everyone I know, or have spoken to would just like this piece of garbage locked up for good, preferably with someone called Bubba for companionship.

But the reality is that he may once again use his influence and wealth to escape justice. Heaven knows, there is no shortage of shady Indian doctors, corrupt state officials and dirty drooling politicians waiting for a bit more palm grease.

If you’ve got murder on your mind, come to South Africa

Hmmm. I’ve just read that our Tourism Minister, wants to promote South Africa as a great destination for shipping cruises. May I suggest (dis)honourable Minister, that we’ll make more money promoting this country as the ultimate murder destination.

Yes, that’s right. If you’re thinking of knocking off someone, bring or lure them here. You will not find a more beautiful, accessible, murder-friendly destination in the world. Forget about Mexico, Afghanistan or Iraq; you need to do the deed without having to worry about getting knocked off yourself.

Your chances of getting caught are pretty slim; the incompetence of our police (dis)service is legendary. They’re however quite good at forming blue-light flashing, motorised convoys to escort our self-important, fat-arsed politicians around at break-neck speed on our soon-to-be open-tolled roads, forcing tax-paying citizens out of the way. That, and turning a blind eye to the looting of the treasury by our elected (sigh!) politicians.

However, you need to take cognizance of the following to ensure that your chances of being arrested are eliminated or minimised:

• Don’t plan your murder or hit in any area that is run by a competent Provincial Administration; that is to say, don’t do it in the Cape Province. Rather select any one of the other corrupt ANC-governed Provinces. Polokwane and the Eastern Cape are a good bet.
• Don’t hire shifty, good-for-nothing mini-bus taxi drivers as part of your hit squad. They’re likely to get caught after boasting about it in the local township shebeen (unofficial bar, to you foreigners). Don’t hire drug-peddling Nigerians either; they’re just good at extortion, fraud and peddling drugs off course. Don’t approach any of our politicians either; they may like stealing, and don’t give a hoot about crime, but I don’t think they’ll be party to murder.
• Don’t ask that cougar from Pretoria, who planned a hit on her rugby-playing boyfriend or anyone on honeymoon, for advice.

Now that you’re all set to get away with murder, please consider first spending some of your Euros and Dollars on normal touristy things; even visit some of our idle World Cup stadiums, or take a cruise. We could sure do with the money, and so could our politicians.

In a true democracy, theft should be legal for everyone, not just the politicians

It’s grossly unfair that I can’t steal with impunity. I mean, South Africa has this wondrous constitution, supposedly one of the best in the world; one which guarantees equal rights to all citizens.

So why is it that only the politicians in the ruling government, and their cohorts have the right to steal, embezzle, defraud and mismanage, with gay abandon, while I, a kind contributor to the fiscus, have to face the wrath of the police? Why should the police protect only the governing elite, while I have to pay their salaries to watch? Isn’t it about time I’m allowed to exercise my rights to compete on an equal footing with the government looters?

Even the police should be allowed to steal (those that are not doing it already that is). It’s a slap in the face of labor law, and downright inhuman, to expect the police to protect their employers, who not only pay them a pittance, but steal the taxes they contribute to the country. That’s just sick. You just know these  lame lazy-boy-lovers, would like nothing better than to get a shot at thieving, themselves. You can see it in their eyes, every time they have to escort some fat-fuck politician to his next big swindle.

Consider the billions that have found their way into the back pockets of our glorious liberators from Apartheid, from the hey-days of shady arms deals, to the present billions that cannot be accounted for by the South African Social Security Agency (SASSA). It’s outrageous that I could not be part of that delightful scheme to divert money away from the greedy recipients of welfare grants. And why couldn’t I have a crack at the billions that has gone missing from the Education Departments of various Provinces? What do snot-nosed kids need an education for anyway; it’s not like they’re going to inherit a functioning country once all the looting has decimated it?

At least give me an opportunity to take back some of the loot from all those fucking cronies you have been so generous to; those who have enjoyed the lions share of government’s theft schemes up to this point. I promise, I’ll be as smooth and non-violent as you bastards have been; I’ll only require that you use your influence to muzzle the press so that they don’t spill the beans on me. Is it too much to ask for? Come on guys, let’s be fair here?

And if you villainous weasels who run this country won’t allow me even that courtesy, then please let’s stop kidding ourselves by calling this country a democracy; let’s call it what it is, a kleptocracy…

Can our mines rescue us from the politicians in power?

It seems that not a week goes by in South Africa without a new revelation of fraud, corruption, blatant theft or gross mismanagement of public funds, by the politicians in power who would have the world believe that they were installed in government by politically savvy supporters.

Today, I read with utter dismay (yes, yet again) about how the tax-payer funded our Police Commissioner’s house to the tune of 3.7 million rands. According to the Minister of Police, Commissioner Bheki Cele personally approved the allocation of funds from the police budget to purchase this lavish house. One can’t help thinking that whoever approved his appointment certainly did take the old adage, set a thief to catch a thief, very seriously.

However, that pales in comparison to the other news report today of 44 billion rands that cannot be accounted for by the education departments of three of South Africa’s Provinces. That kind of money does not simply get lost; it takes a special kind of incompetence to mismanage that amount of money. Or it’s quite simple – fraud or theft or both. Or perhaps a combination of fraud, theft and mismanagement.

If one adds up all the many billions of rands that have found their way into the pockets of our thieving politicians since they came into power in 1994, starting with the arms scandal, I’m sure it will be mind-blowing. Think of all the things that kind of money could have done for the development of this country and its people?

This thieving by our politicians has got to stop!!! We must take whatever action is necessary to stop it, and make sure that these bastards never do it again.

Watching the dramatic rescue of the Chilean miners who were trapped more than 600 meters underground in a mine, gave me an idea of how to dispose of our scumbag politicians. How about performing the Chilean rescue mission in reverse? What if our mines came to our rescue by gobbling up these cretinous villains?

We could lower them down into unused mines, 1200 meters deep or more (just to make sure they can’t get back out); leave them there to contemplate nationalization of mines, and then rot. Uncivilized?

Surely not! These vile crooks, have had years fattening up on our hard-earned tax money, so I’m sure they could last a week or more down a mine. We could throw some clergymen down to join them in penance, and prayer. That would be a last act of kindness, from a nation wronged. How about that lot from Rhema Bible Church? 

Think that’s barbaric?

No, that’s more consideration than they gave us poor South Africans, when they stole from us…