Our Pathetic, Pissant President and his Party Pimps

No, that’s not the headlines you’ll be reading tomorrow if by some cruel twist of fate, Mitt Romney wins the US Presidential elections. No, even if that contemptible Republican weasel, wins, the American press and the people will accept him with open arms.

Strange yes, but that’s the Americans for ya.

I’m actually talking about Jacob Ged-like-you-know-his-name Zuma, the South African version of a George W Bush on ‘shrooms. I vouch that not even Georgie B on his worst day, could ever sink to the despicably deprived depths of Jacob Zuma. Just when you think he’s scraped the bottom of the barrel, he confounds everyone with masterful ease by scraping right through the bottom, to the foot of Satan’s long-drop.

This patriarchal parasite and his pompous henchmen stumble from one scandal to the next, while still holding the ignorant masses in awe of their dastardly deeds, with simple tools like the race card. And by carefully orchestrating the exhumation of apartheid and keeping it on a leash, these scoundrels have a handy hound to beat whenever they’re shown up for their incompetence, greed and lascivious behaviour.

But let’s not forget the President’s official spokes-stooge, Quarter-Pounder Maharaj. He reminds one of a dinosaur whenever he whines on behalf of the President.  He deserves to have a species named for him because of the pre-historic, mind-numbingly stupid, and suck-ass comments he makes. How about Stooge-O-Saurus-Rex?

But back to the President. In a short space of time he’s become the laughing-stock of the world. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that decent people around the world still love this beautiful country in spite of this clown and his African Neutered Circus, an organization known in more honourable times as the African National Congress.

It is almost  certain that history will remember Zuma as the worst President that South Africa ever had, eclipsing even the vilest apartheid-era politicians.

Unbelievably, none of this seems to trouble our President. More honourable people would have crawled back under a rock, under these circumstances, but our President continues to rock the needle of the disdain-o-meter, off the charts.

Antonio Federici – my kinda ice cream

In the news today is an award-winning British ice cream manufacturer that intends defying an Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) ban on one of their clever magazine adverts, by “placing similar posters along the route of the Pope’s London visit.”

The banned advert depicted a pregnant nun eating Antonio Federici ice cream in a church, with the words “Immaculately Conceived” emblazoned on one side of the picture. Apparently it took just 10 prissy readers (presumably Catholic) to get ASA to pull the plug on the advert. Which leaves me wondering why a certain other religion always requires thousands of their followers to rampage through the streets in cities across the world, threatening murder and mayhem, every time they feel offended by similar harmless caricatures.

What I find curious about the banning is the reason given by the ASA: “for ‘making a mockery’ of the beliefs of Roman Catholics.’ This would imply that mere beliefs, no matter how ridiculous, are somehow sacrosanct, especially if they emanate from a religious quarter. Applying the same set of rules, spaghetti adverts should also be banned because they make a mockery of the beliefs of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Taking this reasoning to its ultimate conclusion, science is in great danger of being banned outright because scientific discoveries every day, make a mockery of many religious beliefs.

In fact many of us are all too aware of a large number of religious organizations that would dearly like to see just that: the status of science reduced to a level lower than common superstition and religious belief, or even banned outright.

As for the intentions of the manufacturers of Antonio Federici ice cream to accost the Pope with similar saucy adverts, on his much-maligned trip to Britain, I don’t think his Eminence will be too shocked, seeing as how he accommodates the sexual antics of the priests in his charge.

However, I am still really enamored of this ice cream brand because of the response the company gave to the ASA when the advert was banned. The said that they wished to

comment on and question, using satire and gentle humour, the relevance and hypocrisy of religion and the attitudes of the church to social issues.

Now those are the words of a mighty progressive company, in a typically stuffy country. In future, every time I indulge in some Gelato, those words will resonate through my mind. So, anybody knows where I can get some of this fantastic ice cream?