There’s gonna be hell to pay

This week I read about a woman who’s been kicked out of church for not paying her tithes. Now I know what most of you are thinking – that’s pretty mean and un-Christian.

Well, you’re wrong. First African Baptist Church (FABC) of Bainbridge’s Pastor Derrick Mike is perfectly within bounds for turfing Josephine King of Georgia out on her 92-year old ass. Once one buys into the whole religious belief thing, one should sure as hell* expect to pay. Nothing’s free (except the coffee apparently), for anyone of any age.

In the video embedded in this article, you will notice that the FABC is one big-assed Church. It must surely cost a pretty penny to keep that monster suspended like belief afloat. Church management are reasonable to expect payment. It’s all business after all.

* If you’re wondering how an atheist can speak of the surety of hell, wonder no more. Hell does exist – in vast parts of Africa, the Middle East and other parts of the world, being ruled by either religious zealots or dictatorial psychopaths, or being torn apart by either or both.

Therefore God Exists

Don’t you love lists? I spent an hour or so going through this one which has literally hundreds of proofs of God’s existence. Some were quite familiar because I’ve seen them right here on this blog before, in the comments section.

Here are ten that I really like:

1. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (I)
(1) My aunt had cancer.
(2) The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.
(3) My aunt prayed to God and now she doesn’t have cancer.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

2. MORAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
(2) That all changed once I became religious.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

3. ARGUMENT FROM FEAR
(1) If there is no God then we’re all going to not exist after we die.
(2) I’m afraid of that.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

4. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

5. ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY
(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.
(3) I propose that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

6. ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS
(1) Fuck you.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

7. ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS
(1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
(2) I’m lonely, and I want a best friend.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

8. PROOF BY ANECDOTE
(1) God can be seen by those who believe in Him.
(2) If the God is seen, then He must exist.
(3) I have seen God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

9. ARGUMENT FROM SPEAKING IN TONGUES
(1) My friend here, once started spontaneously speaking some jibberish that sounded to me kind of like Russian.
(2) But neither he nor I know anything about Russian.
(3) The only explanation is God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

10. BENDER’S ARGUMENT (I)
(1) One day, demons were tap-dancing on my roof.  I prayed and they went away.
(2) Therefore, demons are really good dancers.
(3) Also, God exists.

Okay that last one is pretty stupid not as clear-cut as the others, but you get the point. So if you have some time to kill, you’ll find a lot more here (657 to be exact), from what looks like a growing list.

Are we in the Twilight Zone?

Earlier this week a guy in Greece was arrested and charged with blasphemy for lampooning on his Facebook page, a dead cleric who belonged to the Greek Orthodox Church.

The details of his act are unimportant, but the response to it is. It is patently absurd that there are still laws governing the archaic concept of blasphemy, and that it is actually punishable under so-called civilized penal codes around the world.

Meanwhile in Pakistan

In the same week a Christian teenager from Islamabad who was accused of blasphemy, was reported to have had her case referred to a Juvenile Court. She is accused of tearing pages out of a “holy book.” Had the case not been transferred to the lower court, she was under threat of being executed, under strict Pakistani law.

There are several disturbing aspects to this case, apart from the absurdity of blasphemy laws. The girl was apparently mentally challenged and a minor to boot. One of her main accusers, a Muslim cleric was found by the police to have planted the evidence (torn pages from a holy book) on her person and has yet to be dealt with properly. But still the minor girl’s prosecution continues, albeit in a Juvenile court.

We really need to ask ourselves why a so-called holy book should be regarded with more deference than the life of a human being. Have we reached the height of civilization and are we on the downward spiral? Or are we in the fabled twilight zone? Think that’s too extreme? Hang around for a bit…

The results of poor film-making

Protests around the world are still continuing over the making of a film by a few Americans that is deemed to be insulting to Islam’s prophet, Muhammad. The protests in certain parts of the world have resulted in the deaths of dozens of innocent people. I could provide the link here to an excerpt of the film posted on YouTube but it’s really not worth wasting time over. It’s a sloppy piece of drama, and is not really important. What is important is the reactions to it, which are irrational, and absurd in the extreme.

Can you really imagine an all-powerful deity (were he or she to exist off course) who would be so pitifully impotent as to rely on puny humans to protect his or her dignity? You do? Why are you worshipping such an abomination?

Apart from the often violent protests, people have tried to engage in (reasonably) peaceful debate over the whole incident, but once again, it only managed to degenerate into pathetic calls for censorship and special protections to be applied to religions. Take this guy for example who wrote a blog not only appealing for the censorship of blasphemy, but tried to disingenuously condone the violence that such blasphemy provokes with consummate ease.

Still think the world is normal?

Dancing in Afghanistan deadly too

Towards the end of last month, the Taliban in Afghanistan (yeah, unfortunately  these retarded troglodytes still pollute the earth) beheaded 15 men and two women for the “crime” of dancing together at a party. Shock! Horror! Men and women together… at a party? What were they thinking?

You may be thinking that this is a quaint custom peculiar to Afghanistan only, and we should overlook this isolated incident? No, no no. Religions the world over condemn men and women to death, sometimes for acts that are far less innocuous.

And lest you be thinking that I have singled out Islam for special attention, that was not my intention. It’s just coincidental that this religion is involved in a high number of unsavory acts which are grabbing the attention of the world at this moment in time. I am quite convinced that religiots of other persuasions are quietly getting on with the job of damning mankind all over the world. And it’s not a good thing when it’s hidden from scrutiny.

And so we come to the evil twin

Enough about religion. Let’s not forget about the antics of politicians, and their brand of politics that make one wonder if the world has gone crazy. Politics is the evil twin of religion. Don’t believe me?

I could bore you with acts of political incongruity around the world right now, but I think you could easily think of many – the killings in Syria by Assad’s regime, conflicts all over Africa, despots who still rule with impunity, the farcical election politics in the USA between the Democrats and the Republicans. There is much civil unrest at various locations in the world right now, all motivated by some form of politics.

But, I want to look closer to home, to South Africa.

The ruling party here is at war with itself. Factionalism and greed is tearing a once honourable organization apart. The ANC has succumbed to the same despicable acts which they once fought against. I suppose it was inevitable.

Julius Malema a former youth leader expelled from the ANC, is fighting corruption charges, including tax evasion. He still enjoys the support of a fairly large number of people, politicians included, some of whom dance and sing outside the courtroom, and hold night vigils for him. Is it normal for civilized people to support unquestioningly, a person of such character?

But here’s an even bigger absurdity. The President, Jacob Zuma, a semi-literate, scandal-plagued, patriarchal degenerate, is honoured by the United Nations by being appointed to their Education Panel. This honour could not have gone to a more undeserving person. In a country where the education system is barely functional, mostly due to the mal-administration of the Ministry by a woman personally appointed by Zuma, is a grievous insult to the many schoolchildren who have been affected so severely.

So, I hope you’ll forgive me for thinking that we’ve either crossed over into the Twilight Zone, or are slipping down the slope of de-civilisation.

Is God talking to you too?

“I came into this project wanting to understand the question: How are rational, sensible, educated people able to sustain faith in an invisible being in an environment of skepticism?”

Tanya Luhrmann, an anthropologist spent about four years studying the rituals of evangelicals and came to the conclusion that prayer teaches them to hear the voice of God, presumably the Christian version of the supreme being. Luhrmann went on to write a book about it – When God Talks Back: Understanding the American Evangelical Relationship With God.

The obvious but crass reaction of many cynics and non-believers would be to retort that those who hear voices in their head are crazy or schizophrenic. Indeed in an essay on this story in The Week, one commenter observed “When you talk to your deity, you’re religious. When it talks to you, you’re a crazy sumbitch.”

Luhrmann on the other hand contends there’s more going on with evangelicals than we care to acknowledge. She believes they hear voices which they conclude is that of God for good reasons; the presumption yet again is that there is only one such being. However, while she went to great lengths to observe the evangelical behaviour and explain HOW these adherents come to believe that they’re talking to God, she does not attempt to explain WHY it happens. To be fair, as an anthropologist, perhaps it’s beyond her level of understanding; rationalizing an observation was all she was left with.

I would therefore like to indulge Luhrmann and other believers for a bit. Let’s suspend all credulity, and accept that a God does indeed talk to evangelicals, or anyone else for that matter, who from her observations at least, satisfy the following criteria:

1. God only talks to those who believe and accept without question that a God exists,
2. Adherents willingly want to “have a relationship” with said God, and
3. Adherents are both willing and able to participate in a ritual such as prayer, which presumably makes it possible for them to “open a communication channel” with said God.

Having satisfied the criteria, what does an adherent talk to God about, and exactly what does God reveal? According to Luhrmann:

Members told her about having coffee with God, seeing angel wings, and getting God’s advice on everything from job choice to what shampoo to buy.

Nothing of major significance or importance it seems; nothing world-changing. But that’s quite revealing actually. It seems that ordinary people talk to God about mundane things; things that don’t contribute a whole deal to the future of the planet, indeed the world.

If a supernatural entity does exist, and is talking to people, it would imply that other things we’re normally skeptical about, should also be possible. [Lest you’ve forgotten, we’ve suspended credulity].

Wouldn’t the secrets to solve both our constantly increasing energy requirements and global warming, be the most fundamentally essential revelation to mankind? Wouldn’t the solution of these issues lead to resolving poverty and other social problems? Off course there may be more pressing needs of which I am not thinking about right now.

So, in a world with a God, without doubt perpetual motion should also be possible. And a substance should exist which when diluted in water, be able to cure all diseases and render homeopathy all-powerful, right? So why hasn’t God revealed how to build that perpetual-motion machine and create the wonder homeopathic cure?

Either God doesn’t know, or the people he’s revealed such important information to, are keeping mum. Or, we need the people who can make the greatest impact to saving the world, such as scientists, to learn how to talk to God. Because they’re indubitably wasting valuable resources and money carrying out useless experiments in underground particle colliders and outer space.

Clearly then, the wrong people are talking to God. The planet’s going to hell in a handbasket at a dizzying pace. Surely those capable of talking to God should be asking Him how to sort out the mess we’re in. You have to question why we’re being made to suffer if divine information can make a difference to the way the world is unraveling.

But nada! Does God talk to us just so that we can feed his vanity? Is God then just “jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully,” as Dawkins so eloquently pointed out in The God Delusion?

Isn’t it a much simpler and more reasonable explanation that any conversation with a God is one-way traffic…

Admit it, the Pagan Roots of Christmas is what makes it so festive

A whole lot of us, mostly non-Christians and atheists delight in calling Christmas the silly season; I’m no exception.

However, I’d venture that even the most die-hard atheist, anti-theist, or hater from another religion will admit that this time of year is the most festive, particularly those days between Christmas and the Julian New Year. Seriously, you’d have to be pretty psychotic not to enjoy Christmas.

By now, it should be common knowledge [see video below] that the celebrations usually associated with Christmas are in fact of pagan origins, and have been borrowed or annexed by the Church to satisfy various agendas of their own. But that’s what makes Christmas so enjoyable; all the things that are so un-Christian.

I just love the music [yes, the Christmas carols], the parties, the food, ungodly amounts of alcohol, and the fact that we get to spend time with friends and family, who usually reside miles away. And let’s not forget the time off work, the annual bonus, and the chance to spend wildly on things you usually wouldn’t. Only the pathologically pious shy away from these simple pleasures to commemorate a dour tale of religious improbability.

So, whether you’re a Christian or not, indulge yourself this Christmas; god knows [or not] that it’s one of the rare times for partaking in true pleasure we’re allowed in this harsh world.

The end of the world is (not) nigh…

It’s less than 4 hours to go before 22 October rolls around here where I’m writing this, and it’s already that in some parts of the world.

If you’ve looked around and can’t find anybody you know suddenly missing for any strange reason, it could mean one of three things:

1. We’re all evil bastards who don’t deserve to be Raptured, and have been left here on Earth to rot forever by [insert your version of a mean-spirited, invisible father-figure here]
2. We’ve all been Raptured and are now in Heaven, which inexplicably looks just like Earth. And the whole event went unnoticed; occurred not with a bang, but with barely a whimper, as Camping is recorded as re-predicting.
3. Harold Camping is a lying scumsucker.

Need I tell you which one I pick?

However, let’s for the hell of it, imagine if the first or second scenario played out. If we’re all evil bastards who have been left behind, it is highly likely that the mother of all floods is headed our way soon. In which case, I hope you have your Ark schematics approved.

If we’ve all been Raptured and are now in a Heaven, which looks and feels just like Earth, it probably signifies that we’ve all been had by the cosmic father-figure of our choice that we’ve trusted for so long. It therefore sucks being us.

I’m therefore quite justified in declaring that you can’t possibly win by believing in, and trusting invisible, all-powerful father-figures.

All that’s left is to wait for Camping to explain this monumental failure of prophesy, which I’m sure will be as hilarious as his previous attempts.

Just to see the expression on the scumbag's face…

According to Christian fundamentalist Harold Camping, the world is about to end in less than two hours at 6PM…in this time zone at least. The event better known as the Rapture will herald the return of Jesus.

In a South African context, with the local elections just completed and the ANC still retaining a fairly large majority, the Rapture will have special appeal to all those facing the prospect of another 5 years of self-indulgent rule, and remembering the moronic statement President Jacob Zuma made a while back that the ANC will rule “until Jesus comes back.”

While most of us will not qualify to ascend to a Christian Heaven, I’m sure we would like the to Rapture to occur nonetheless, just so that we can see the silly smirk wiped off the face of the prat. I’m giggling hysterically right now just thinking of how utterly stupid Zuma and his unquestioning followers will feel as Jesus reappears to end their victory celebrations, just 3 days after maintaining their majority at the elections.

Off course, being a rational person I’m not expecting Jesus or the Rapture but I guess I should just be happy with the small consolation that the opposition DA not only won the Western Cape outright, they have made significant inroads elsewhere in the country. I’m sure many ANC big mouths who predicted that they would win all Provinces convincingly, are feeling like sheepish twats right now.

If that’s the only pleasure I’m going to get from this election, I guess it’s enough.

Cometh the hour, cometh the Rapture

According to Harold Camping who predicted that all righteous Christians in the world will be Raptured on 21 May 2011, 6PM is the magical hour when it will start.

While Camping didn’t elaborate in which time zone it would occur, we would have to assume that he either meant 6PM local time California where he is based, or 6PM simultaneously around the world. I’m sure all of you who don’t qualify to ascend to Heaven on May 21 because you’re ridiculously rational, will immediately see the problem with the magical hour put forward by Camping. Those of you who are non-Christian believers shouldn’t even bother.

But rather than spoil the last moments on Earth for the selected few by posing these scientific questions which you no doubt have no appreciation for, I would just like to wish you well on your flight upwards to Heaven. May you get great service and an open bar.

I would like to dedicate the song Rapture, by Blondie to all you good Rapturees. I hope you take one last listen to some good earthly tunes before you subject yourselves to an eternity of harp music. This particular version which is a clever mix of Blondie and Jim Morrison of the Doors, may not be to your purist tastes, but just live a little before you depart.

I’m sure those of you who will remain behind like me to face the Tribulation, will appreciate this too while we party on regardless.

What’s a nice Atheist boy supposed to do…

Image via Wikipedia

…when he comes across a nice Christian girl asking what’s she’s supposed to do, on one of her online newspaper columns.

Well, he wouldn’t have done much had he not read one of nice Christian girl’s responses to a comment from a reader.

Thami, let’s put it this was: would you date a girl who was terribly racist? No? Because I assume you despise racism as an intrinsic value in your life and would not be able to align yourself with someone whose values clash so much with your own. I don’t think this is “childishly discriminatory” but wise. You’re avoiding unnecessary conflict and heart ache. That’s how it is for me: I prefer to be with someone who shares the values I hold most deeply.

Okay, let’s start at the beginning.

Verashni Pillay, wrote an article in the Mail & Guardian Online, in which she claims to be a “Christian Christian.” Not knowing exactly what that means, I’ll just assume that she believes that she’s a better Christian than most. Verashni also believes that her kind of Christianity imbues her with a special set of morals and values which presumably ordinary Christians do not possess…and other faiths fail dismally to attain.

She will not align herself with anyone who is off a different faith to her own because Verashni believes fallaciously that religion is responsible for shaping a persons morals and values, and that somehow the religion she adopted or was born into, does it better than the rest. Yes, it’s always the case that Christianity somehow comes out on top every time someone compares morality. And she’s quite adamant because she was:

…all the while growing in the most inexplicably beautiful and satisfying relationship I’ve ever known — knowing God

Verashni finds it hard to believe that someone who kneels before a different idol, could possibly have the same values as her own. I greatly respect and admire her political beliefs, but while she harbours this much distrust towards those of competing faiths, I can only imagine the ire she reserves for those of no faith.

So what’s a nice Christian girl supposed to do?

How about abandoning archaic religious ideologies that divide, and start having relationships with beings that really matter.

Happy Eôstre, Happy Earth Day, Happy Everyday…

Image by AlicePopkorn via Flickr

Commencing today millions of Jews and Christians around the world will inadvertently commemorate the pagan festival of Eôstre.

Hopefully many, many more will be purposefully celebrating Earth Day – an event of much greater significance to humanity as a whole. How sad that man was once in awe of the power and majesty of the natural world in his pagan state, but now reveres invisible beings supposedly conceived of a fertile and enlightened imagination.

How arrogant are we to consider ourselves more advanced than other living things when we continue to destroy the world, sometimes in the very act of pursuing the ignorant and superstitious beliefs of antiquity.

While it may not be practical to revert back to our pagan roots, how can we once again inculcate those wholesome but primitive values that endeared the natural world to us, while discarding our superstitions and irrational beliefs? Ultimately we may not have a choice; it may be imperative for the future survival of all species.

So while you’re partaking in the festivities of this Easter weekend, spare a thought for Earth and its REAL wonders.