Bring back Clarkson

Daddy didn’t give affection, no!
And the boy was something that mommy wouldn’t wear
King Jeremy The Wicked
Ruled his world

I love cars. Which is why I love Top Gear.

But I soon discovered that Top Gear is not all about cars. Oh no, it’s about Jeremy Clarkson. It’s not a one-man show, but his sidekicks Richard Hammond and James May, proficient though they are in their own right, are like the cars they feature, little more than beautiful (and did I say accomplished?) props.

Top Gear is almost all about Jeremy. Funny, irritating, laughing, teasing, politically incorrect, offensive, shameless, devilish Jeremy. There was a time the only reason I bothered to watch the telly, apart from sport off course, was because of Top Gear.

And now he’s in trouble again.

This time, suspended for allegedly throwing a punch at a BBC producer. The reason does not matter. Producers after all are supposed to serve gods actors food on time… and take a punch or two for the greater good.

There’s a litany of indiscretions that’s got him into trouble before, but the BBC knowing what a treasure he is, sensibly did not let those mundane distractions keep him off the box. But now it appears to be different. Two whole shows have been postponed. That’s pretty darned alarming.

So he’s alluded to truck drivers being murderers of prostitutes, and called former Prime Minister Gordon Brown a “one-eyed Scottish idiot.” So fucking what? I despise truck drivers who’s only mission in life seems to be to cause traffic chaos, and everyone knows Gordon Brown is an idiot. Surely we don’t need to be convinced.

But it’s also alleged that Clarkson has offended various race groups, nationalities and religious denominations around the world, including Mexicans, Argentinians, Asians, Muslims and Indians. Boo fucking hoo! People are just too darn sensitive.

Hey, I’m Indian (South African), and I was not at all offended by Clarkson’s remark about Indians being unsanitary. India is on my bucket list of places NEVER to visit, up there with Saudi Arabia (practically all of the Middle East actually), North Korea, Pakistan, Malaysia and 98% of Africa. No, not even when I’m dead and my atoms return to star-dust.

The guy’s a gifted comedian for fuck’s sake. The world needs more of them really badly.

Yes, there’s a much more selfish reason why Jeremy just has to come back. The Top Gear Live Show is scheduled to return to Johannesburg, South Africa in a couple of months, and I DO NOT want to miss that. It just won’t be the same. It would be Stuck In Gear.

Don’t send me back to Iran

Having managed to recently finish reading the graphic novel Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi (I’m not a fan of graphic novels, I must confess), I became quite fascinated with the rich history of Iran, previously known as Persia. At its peak, the Persian Empire first under Cyrus the Elder and then Darius the Great, was the largest empire in history.

Having survived invasions by the Greeks, Arabs, Turks and Mongols in its 6000-year history, it could have still been a great country, after having lost Empire status. But it all came apart in 1979 with the Iranian Revolution when it became an Islamic Republic. The events leading up to and after is described quite poignantly from a personal perspective by Satrapi in Persepolis, which incidentally was made into a film which I  enjoyed more than the novel.

Persepolis (Wikimedia Commons)

If it had survived, the City of Persepolis which was built by Darius the Great, could easily have been one of the Seven Wonders of the World, displacing one of the incumbents. Who would not want to live in a country hosting such a great city?

Extract: Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

Far too many people it would seem. Marjane herself was coerced into leaving by her parents while still quite young, after having witnessed and being subjected to the horrors of war with Iraq and the rise of Islamic fundamentalism after the Iranian Revolution. While she did return briefly after a few years studying in Europe, she eventually left permanently for France.

And another…

Ramin Forghani is an Iranian who has been studying for the last two years for his Masters Degree in Environmental Engineering in Glasgow, Scotland. While there he founded the Iranian Atheists Association, became the vice chairman of the Scottish Secular Society, and is the chairman of Ex-Muslims Scotland. Yes, another magnificent apostate!

Extract: Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

Ramin is appealing his rejection by the Court of Session for asylum. He feels, quite justifiably that his life is at risk if he is returned to Iran. He cites the case of Soheil Arabi who was sentenced to death for the grossly unjust law of blasphemy in Iran. And just last month the BBC reported that six Iranians were sentenced to a year in prison and 91 lashes for (wait for it!) dancing with the opposite sex who were not wearing headscarves, to Pharrell Williams’ song Happy.

WTF!

I’m no fan of pop music and listening to Pharrell Williams should be punishable. Six lashes would have been quite adequate (just kidding), but unless you’re gay, who the fuck do you dance with? And this bullshit about mandated scarf wearing is just plain outrageous. Modern Iran is definitely not a place to be.

I sincerely wish that the powers that be, grant Ramin Forghani his wish to remain in Scotland. Seriously, bigoted Iran does not deserve such an outstanding citizen.

The Vampire Diaries does not suck after all…

I started buying these DVD box sets a while ago. Initially, because of my utter delight with the antics of Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May, on the BBC production Top Gear, I bought everything I could find related to that series.

At the same time, I started collecting fascinating documentaries such as David Attenborough’s Life series and The Incredible Human Journey and British Comedy box sets such as Fawlty Towers, among other BBC productions. Then one day about a two months ago, I strayed into the TV drama section of my favorite DVD store, and came across Dexter, Season 1.

About the only thing I can bear to watch on television these days is sport, normally just football, rugby and the occasional game of cricket; recently I have been somewhat put off the game of  cricket with the introduction of that atrocious format of the game known as 20-20. I catch my movies on DVD, or in the cinema when first released, when I can summon up the will to share an auditorium with juvenile popcorn-mascerating delinquents.

I don’t watch drama series on television; I have over the years lost the necessary patience and discipline required to stick to a weekly viewing schedule. I did try with Prison Break, but I failed, and that was to my mind the most compelling television I had ever watched, until I found Dexter. I had heard the series being mentioned on a local radio station, and was intrigued, so that made the decision to buy, a little easier; and boy, am I glad I did.

The writers and producers of this series are pure genius; especially the writers. Visual entertainment allows us to escape our invariably dull real lives; it allows us to relate to the characters on-screen and  fantasize for a little while. In this particular case, Dexter, the anti-hero, even allows one to seriously re-examine the suffocating limits of morality; the extremist black and white limits set by religious bigotry can now be challenged. Dexter demonstrates that bad, can be good! I readily admit to fantacizing about applying the gory disposal techniques demonstrated by Dexter, to certain deceitful, arrogant and corrupt members of our own government, here in South Africa.

Dexter, Season 1 went by all too quickly; a testament to how enthralled I was. Recently I found myself looking for Season 2, but could not find it; I did find Season 3, which leaves me delighted in anticipation. However, not finding Season 2, on the shelves, I came across The Vampire Diaries Season 1 and made a rash decision to purchase it; being swayed by the recent public fascination with Vampire movies.

At this point, I need to make it quite clear that I’m a Skeptic and proudly consider myself a member of the community of critical thinkers; which means that I not only have no interest in the occult or supernatural, I find beliefs in them to be rather disturbing. And I did not fail to notice the plethora of television drama series concerned with the supernatural, which fills the shelves of my DVD retailer. It’s actually quite concerting that the supernatural is such a popular theme.

But that just leaves me to explain why I chose to buy The Vampire Diaries. Well, it’s simple. I confess to a secret desire to live forever; and sucking on pretty girl’s necks for a lifetime does seem to be a particuarly pleasurable way to live through eternity. Off course, my aversion to direct sunshine, and the fact that blood-sucking reminds me of politicians, are other reasons.

Anyway, to continue my tale of entertainment seduction; I watched the first episode of The Vampire Diaries a few weeks ago and was utterly disappointed. My first impression was that it was made specifically for love-struck teenagers. The mushy romance permeating through the first episode left me feeling nauseated. I switched off, and threw the DVD box into a cupboard in disgust.

However, a few days ago I happened to be downloading some new software I purchased from Cyberlink, and did not have anything to do, what with my not-so-broad, broadband link informing me that the download would take all off 7 hours. With my internet connection being commandeered for that interminable duration, I turned to my DVD collection. Having already watched Dexter Season 1 and everything else, I turned to the discarded Vampire Diaries in utter desperation.

To cut a tedious story short, I was pleasantly surprised, as Episode 2 seemed to develop beyond my expectations, and so did the following Episodes. The mushy romance is still there, but the introduction of witches and more Vampires has sparked a new interest for me; especially the witches as I have a special empathy for those persecuted by religious bigots.

Anyway, there’s no hope for me now; I’m hooked on The Vampire Diaries too…

The arrogance continues…

And continuing with the theme this week of venting some spleen, how can the recent outbursts against the press, by Jessie Duarte, ANC spokeswomen go unchallenged?

Only this weekend, she layed into Sunday Times journalist, Philani Nombembe. To the question (by Nombembe) “Does the ANC President also get to answer (responses from his blog)?” she replied:

“He’s got his own blog. Yes. You can write to him if you want to. It’s ancpresident. In fact if you go www you can link straight from there to any of our blogs. Ja, he does read it. He does, he does. You know he can actually read, contrary to your opinion. I mean how can you ask me a question like that you know, does the ANC President actually read? Good God. Can you guys just get a life now. Ja no, you must get a life. You people must get a life. You’re terribly classist and if you’re not black I would say you were racist. But, well I suppose you could be racist even if you were a black like me. But you’ve got a very bad attitude, your newspaper has, you know and seriously speaking now this man, whether you like it or not is going to be the president of the country. And actually we’re not so concerned about what The Times thinks…”

It seems that she had a chance to practice, while being interviewed late last week, on BBC presenter John Humphrys’ Today radio show, where her conduct could only be described as “terribly arrogant.” Judge for yourself by listening to a recording of the interview here.

I think by now South Africans have become immune to the arrogance of government officials and indeed ANC officials as well. The utter disrespect for the citizens of this country from these officials is all but gazetted into law as normal, legal and acceptable behaviour. However, when someone like Ms Duarte goes mouthing off to the foreign press, it shows the utter disdain, the ANC has for the international community as well. When one considers all the damage our Foreign Minister, and the former Minister of Health have already perpetrated, I suppose one more spokesperson cannot make it any worse than it is.