More Mandela Memorial Musings

Seems I missed a few things that went down at the Mandela Memorial yesterday.

President Barack Obama shook hands with Cuba’s Raul Castro and some sections of the USA have their panties in a twist about it. Politicians shake hands with rival politicians all the time; it’s no biggie. Hell, I once saw Angela Merkel kiss Jacob Zuma. It’s all a show – I’m pretty certain she loathes the swine and had lip surgery afterwards.

And then there’s this brouhaha over Obama taking a group selfie with Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt and the UK’s David Cameron. It’s a fucking non-event. Anyway Michelle Obama seems to have sorted it out, if this series of pictures can be trusted.

And finally the one that’s making headlines at the moment: seems the sign-language interpreter (SLI) on stage was bogus. Yeah, according to all those who know about such things, the guy hired to interpret for the hearing-impaired was just waving his hands and arms about randomly. Take a look at this:

I have a perfectly feasible explanation for this whole mix-up. See, the guy was not hired to sign; he was hired to chase the flies off the stage, what with so many rotten politicians from so many different shitholes of the world sharing the same platform and all. He must be pretty embarrassed for being mistaken as the SLI, and he did a pretty good job because I didn’t see a single fly in TV footage.

Anyway, enough about these silly politicians. Here’s something to really smile about. A flash mob paying tribute to the man.

Your ass is grass

The South African political landscape is littered with voting fodder on the one hand and politicians who contemptuously make hay on the other. All this grass makes one long for some good weed…

 

The biggest laugh in South African politics this year…

Forget the chuckles we had over that Zuma painting saga. Forget the loud guffaws that followed the falling out with Julius Malema, (former) head of the ANC Youth League, and erstwhile bum-chum of Zuma.

Forget every hilarious (albeit tragic) incident involving Jacob Zuma and his bumbling quest to govern South Africa, this year. They all pale in comparison to the latest incident of utter absurdity surrounding the President.

Jacob Zuma, who’s widely known to have had no formal education, has been conferred with an Honorary Professor of International Relations degree by Peking University in China.

Although it’s just a worthless title, the guy is totally undeserving of such an “honour.” He has not achieved anything of significance, both locally and abroad. It’s patently clear that it’s just an astute move on the part of the Chinese to stroke Zuma’s ego, in their pursuit of economic ties with South Africa, which no doubt will be more favorable to them.

The whole affair further sullies the academic world, which is increasingly awarding useless degrees to all sorts of questionable people. However, in the South African context it is a monstrous travesty, considering the Zuma government’s dismal performance in the delivery of Education to the country.

The insult to all the children of South Africa who have been negatively affected by the incompetence of Zuma’s Education Ministry is made all the more unpalatable by this comment by him at his acceptance speech in Beijing:

We are inspired by the value attached to education in the analects of the ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius, who stressed the importance of education and study as being fundamental to human progress.

There are now many in the country who are absolutely convinced that the only progress, Zuma and his ANC cohorts are interested in, is to do with their own self-interest.

One wonders how long it will be before Minister of Education Angie Motshekga, is invited to China to receive her Honorary Doctorate in International Educational Relations…

Today in Politics: Roasting #04

The State of the Nation’s Politicians

The State of the Nation [SONA] speech yesterday by President Jacob Zuma was another insipid affair. We all guessed it would be, but it seems we’re suckers for punishment, by hoping desperately for something different. The major newspapers thought his delivery was much better than last year, but they also surmised that the more important bit about delivering on promises would be as abysmal as it was after last years’ pledges.

So yet again the talk is cheap, but the taxpayers’ liability leapfrog’s exponentially to support  the grandiose and hair-brained schemes of the politicians in charge, not to mention keeping them in the lap of luxury.

Bastards! All of them.

The State of the Nation Undress

A national radio station DJ Gareth Cliff, challenged listeners to amuse themselves while listening to the SON address, by playing a game of abandoning one item of clothing every time Zuma indulged them with some of the quirks he is noted for, such as nudging his spectacles back up every time it slipped down his nose using a gesture that resembles flipping the bird. Or every time he used some stupid phrase such as “absolutely,” that he is infamous for.

The idea was to see how quickly one could get completely starkers, and I guess many did just that. However I would have played the game a little differently had I been bothered to actually spend good time watching this thieving politician mouth off more drivel.

I would have started out completely starkers, showing him my ass as he started his speech, and then putting on an item of clothing every time he said something that was honest and worth looking forward to. I’m guessing that even the most die-hard optimist would have got to maybe putting their socks back on.

Banana man PAWNED!

In case you thought I was gonna go all political on your ass in the new year, here is some religious dissonance for your enjoyment.

Remember when evangelist Ray Comfort tried to convince anyone who would bother to listen, that the banana was one of God’s perfect creations? And remember how he stubbornly ignored all those who pointed out that the modern banana was closer to being a near-perfect creation of man, rather than some cosmic dictator.

Well it seems that Ray is quite adept at being single-minded. Here he is being thwarted by a West Indian women:

The guy is either a very smug Christian or a very successful fraud. Perhaps even both.

Rant Alert: But it’s juicy!!!

Image by _dorothy_ via Flickr

I do love mixing the odd cocktail and invariably the recipe calls for fresh fruit juice.

But I’ll be damned if fresh fruit juice can be found in a hurry anywhere in South Africa. Unless you buy fruit and extract the juices yourself, the gunk passing for fruit juice on all major retailers’ shelves, including the over-hyped major supermarket chains, is absolute rubbish.

What the fuck is 100% blended fruit juice or pure blended fruit juice? Since when is blended, 100% or even pure?

Why can I not get pure 100% orange juice or cranberry juice that is NOT MIXED with a blend of apples or other berries? None of my cocktail recipes call for a mixture of apple and orange and whatever the fuck else the manufacturers decide to throw in to create their concoctions. Why can’t I get just plain orange juice or plain apple juice or plain cranberry juice?

If I wanted orange juice with apples and other fruits, I’d mix the fucking thing myself. I mean who the hell would prefer a blend, rather than the pure unadulterated thing? Am I the only person who thinks that these blends are a scam by the manufacturers who use terms like “pure” and “100%” to mislead customers? Are customers even aware that they’re being scammed?

Perhaps I’ve got it all totally wrong and the manufacturers have conducted market research that indicates that people like the mixed up shit. Am I?

And while we’re still discussing the issue, why, oh why are all the bottles of 100% blended juice always so fucking sticky? I remember a dairy company that delivered pure 100% orange juice [only] to my door when I was a kid, and the bottles were never sticky. Is it that the manufacturers these days not only care so little about quality, they couldn’t bother to package the crap they’re selling in a presentable manner too?

Oh, the disdain…

This time it’s for real, and you can bet your ticket to heaven on it…

Image via Wikipedia

So May 21, the day of the Rapture passed us by with only a small volcano eruption in Iceland to show for it. There was off course the more tragic tornado ripping through Joplin, Missouri in the USA a day later, but even the most optimistic Rapture devotee will find that to be a rather abysmal display of the Christian god’s wrath, as predicted by the now infamous Harold Camping.

I think by now most people who predicted that the Rapture would not happen are smugly making fun of Harold Camping and his credulous supporters – and rightly so. They are collectively responsible for spreading an ideology that undoubtedly is going to have severe repercussions for a lot of people; mostly those who fell for it. But it did provide hours of fun for the rest of us and for that we’re awfully thankful.

Considering that it’s not the first time he’s done something like this, it’s no wonder that so many people are not only calling Camping a fraudster and demanding that he reimburse those who donated money to him, but some are actually demanding that he be prosecuted criminally as well.

It must therefore come as something of a shock with Camping now claiming that the world will actually be ending on October 21, 2011. But an even bigger shock is that many of his followers who were naive enough to believe him the first two times, are actually going to believe him yet again. I don’t know whether to despise them even more, or take pity on them.

Perhaps its best to just let them continue thinking that the Rapture did indeed occur on May 21, and that the Christian god, finding nobody who qualified for ascension into his version of Heaven this time, have given them all a reprieve until October 21, when he will return to exact real vengeance and perhaps cause a few more volcanos to erupt, even extinct ones.

Somehow, I expect Camping to still have many delusional followers even after this, even if he’s found criminally liable in the interim.

Cometh the hour, cometh the Rapture

According to Harold Camping who predicted that all righteous Christians in the world will be Raptured on 21 May 2011, 6PM is the magical hour when it will start.

While Camping didn’t elaborate in which time zone it would occur, we would have to assume that he either meant 6PM local time California where he is based, or 6PM simultaneously around the world. I’m sure all of you who don’t qualify to ascend to Heaven on May 21 because you’re ridiculously rational, will immediately see the problem with the magical hour put forward by Camping. Those of you who are non-Christian believers shouldn’t even bother.

But rather than spoil the last moments on Earth for the selected few by posing these scientific questions which you no doubt have no appreciation for, I would just like to wish you well on your flight upwards to Heaven. May you get great service and an open bar.

I would like to dedicate the song Rapture, by Blondie to all you good Rapturees. I hope you take one last listen to some good earthly tunes before you subject yourselves to an eternity of harp music. This particular version which is a clever mix of Blondie and Jim Morrison of the Doors, may not be to your purist tastes, but just live a little before you depart.

I’m sure those of you who will remain behind like me to face the Tribulation, will appreciate this too while we party on regardless.

What’s a nice Atheist boy supposed to do…

Image via Wikipedia

…when he comes across a nice Christian girl asking what’s she’s supposed to do, on one of her online newspaper columns.

Well, he wouldn’t have done much had he not read one of nice Christian girl’s responses to a comment from a reader.

Thami, let’s put it this was: would you date a girl who was terribly racist? No? Because I assume you despise racism as an intrinsic value in your life and would not be able to align yourself with someone whose values clash so much with your own. I don’t think this is “childishly discriminatory” but wise. You’re avoiding unnecessary conflict and heart ache. That’s how it is for me: I prefer to be with someone who shares the values I hold most deeply.

Okay, let’s start at the beginning.

Verashni Pillay, wrote an article in the Mail & Guardian Online, in which she claims to be a “Christian Christian.” Not knowing exactly what that means, I’ll just assume that she believes that she’s a better Christian than most. Verashni also believes that her kind of Christianity imbues her with a special set of morals and values which presumably ordinary Christians do not possess…and other faiths fail dismally to attain.

She will not align herself with anyone who is off a different faith to her own because Verashni believes fallaciously that religion is responsible for shaping a persons morals and values, and that somehow the religion she adopted or was born into, does it better than the rest. Yes, it’s always the case that Christianity somehow comes out on top every time someone compares morality. And she’s quite adamant because she was:

…all the while growing in the most inexplicably beautiful and satisfying relationship I’ve ever known — knowing God

Verashni finds it hard to believe that someone who kneels before a different idol, could possibly have the same values as her own. I greatly respect and admire her political beliefs, but while she harbours this much distrust towards those of competing faiths, I can only imagine the ire she reserves for those of no faith.

So what’s a nice Christian girl supposed to do?

How about abandoning archaic religious ideologies that divide, and start having relationships with beings that really matter.

Human thieves fine, animal thieves not…

Repost from my sister blog ScumWatch:

Assuming there is indeed a god, HE is a real twat. I say HE because I cannot visualize a female god being such a vicious bastard; vindictive and scornful yes, but not so sadistic as to cause harm to an animal, but tolerate gross human misconduct.

Off course, if we consider that there is no proof of a supernatural being, then the often assumed highest form of evolutionary life, namely HUMANS, have a long way to go on their evolutionary journey.

By now, you’re probably wondering what the hell I’m ranting about?

Well, you see there is a baboon in the Cape Province of South Africa, nicknamed Fred, who has become infamous for “opening closed car doors and robbing tourists of their bags and food.” Fred does this for a living. However Fred’s idea of living is very basic – he just wants to survive from one day to the next. He views the tourists who venture into his domain as nothing more than his next meal ticket.

Fred gave up his natural diet because silly humans who encroached on his territory, thought it would be fun and amusing to feed him their carbohydrate rich food. Since Fred took a liking to this food source, the humans have not been as generous. Frustrated, Fred became a tad more energetic in his determination to get at this food source.

The silly humans cried foul and lodged many complaints about the behaviour of Fred, which as you know was directly caused by human stupidity in the first instance.

This led to the team responsible for managing the baboon population in the Cape Peninsula The Baboon Operational Group (BOG), making a shitty decision to capture and euthanize Fred.

The moral of this tragic but true story is that it is okay to be human and steal from the treasury as our government leaders do, but you’re fucked if you’re a baboon. Breaking it down further, it implies that stealing to enhance your lifestyle is cool; stealing to fill your stomach as even some humans are forced into doing, is punishable with imprisonment and even death.

Fred’s gonna be dead; the human scum ahead…