God hates Zimbabwe… and must be a trifle miffed at South Africa too

If the maniac who is currently ruling Zimbabwe is right about God’s intentions for him, and if this deity does indeed exist, then he, she or it must surely hate that country and its people.

The loathsome human in question, one Robert Gabriel Mugabe has been in power for

Original caption: President of Zimbabwe Robert...

Image via Wikipedia

more than 30 years, and is steadily transforming it into one humongous Zimbabwe Ruin. And he believes that God has chosen him to protect Zimbabwe from the “marauding imperialists.”

I am lucky God has given me this longer life than others to be with you. I cannot let you down. I cannot leave you on your own.

Now if you happen to be a marauding imperialist, know that God hates you too. Either that, or you’re just a figment of the imagination like this deity that Mugabe holds so dear.

While ordinary Zimbabweans show up as apathetic at best, their only hope at opposition to Monster Mugabe appears to be a bumbling, whiner who seems to be as interested in power for the sake of it, as the incumbent. Morgan Tsvangirai, far from being a threat, actually makes Insane Bob look like a desirable leader.

But the hating does not stop there. Some of God’s ire seems to be focussed on neighbouring South Africa which has been encumbered with a bunch of thieves to run the country, while outwardly masquerading as a liberation movement. And surprise, surprise, these louts who have already turned South Africa into their personal fiefdom, have publicly given their support [for his re-election to President] to Mad Bob Mugabe, so that he can rape Zimbabwe for another five years.

With benevolence like this, who needs the Devil?

How to win elections and intimidate people

Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe may not have written the book yet on electoral manipulation, but its fundamental precepts are well-known all over Africa and other parts of the world that are afflicted by, and so easily succumb to, dictatorial rule.

And just like the blurb on the bestselling Dale Carnegie book, Mugabe knows: How to go after the election you want…and win it! Take the dictatorship you have…and make it more brutal! Take any situation you’re in…and make it seem like the fault of white colonialism!

It’s no surprise to learn therefore that:

After conducting an audit of the [electoral] roll, the ZESN [Zimbabwe Election Support Network] reported that 27% of people registered to vote were dead.

The computer test revealed that 2 344 people born between 1901 and 1909, therefore aged between 101 and 110 years, were on the voters’ roll.

Nine people born between 1890 and 1900, aged between 111 and 120 years, are registered voters.

The ZESN report found that 41% of voters had moved without updating their details

About 52% of men were registered, compared with 48% of women. This is unusual considering there are more women in the country than men.

Young people were underrepresented, with only 18% registered.

I don’t how the ZESN managed to painstakingly collate all this information, considering that the ZANY-PF government “maintained only paper editions of the [voters’] register,” but it makes for frightening reading.

It makes one wonder what sort of machinations the incumbent SA-government are up to, ahead of local government elections, and national elections scheduled for next year. With their penchant for dipping their fingers regularly in the public cooky jar, their love for power and the determination to keep it all costs,  crooking the books is not beyond them either…and yes, they’re very chummy with one Robert Gabriel Mugabe, to boot.

Gbagbo… just won't go

Is there something in the air or soil of Africa that nurtures despots, tyrants and just plain bad-ass politicians? Perhaps it’s the African sun? But whatever it is, I’m pretty sure that Africa hosts the majority of the world’s worst leaders [I use the word grudgingly].

The latest in a long line of despots whose minds have seemingly become frizzled by the African sun, and who refuse to relinquish their grip on power, is Laurent Gbagbo of the Ivory Coast. This Bgagbo of shit joins an ignominious assembly of scumbags, who desperately cling to power, and whose utter disregard for humanity is legendary:

For a more comprehensive [but not definitive] list, which incorporates crackpots from all over the world, visit foreignpolicy.com. And this is just a list of the current filth that pollutes world’s political stage. Let’s not even consider the likes of Idi Amin, Mobutu Sese Seko and Jean Bedel Bokassa. The most striking thing about these scum of the earth, is that they would most likely have at some stage in their rotten lives, spoken out against European or Western imperialism and colonialism. So what turns self-proclaimed liberators into fascists?

Do we in South Africa have anything to worry about? Not with Jacob Zuma, I don’t think; it’s abundantly clear he’s just a puppet. However, with the likes of Julius Malema, idling in the wings, mouthing off about revolutionaries on the one hand and agents on the other, I think we need to be extra vigilant…