The village idiot’s idiot, to address the ruined of Zimbabwe

Surely this report on Times Live is an early April Fool’s joke? It has to be. The (woodworking) tool of South Africa addressing the tool-less of Zimbabwe?

Now that I have managed to bring my howls of laughter under control, I have taken a few minutes to reflect on its veracity. If its’ true, then heaven help Zimbabwe…and South Arica.

Youth Development, Indigenisation and Economic Empowerment Minister (whatever the hell that is) Saviour Kasukuwere, apparently believes that Malema’s visit will facilitate

youth movements from the two countries to share experiences and map strategies

***Personal warning to Youth of Zimbabwe: If Malema is headed your way, run like hell!!! The only thing Malema can teach the youth of Zimbabwe is how to become better lap-dogs of your lunatic President, Robert Mugabe***

Perhaps Malema is not going to Zimbabwe to impart knowledge, but to learn some new moves, now that his slimy repertoire has been so brutally exposed back home. Perhaps he’s going there to learn how to “shoot the Boers” and take their farms as Mugabe so effortlessly did. They already know that getting rich through government tenders is so tedious and takes too long. Or perhaps he’s going to learn how to stay in power forever, on behalf of his ANC friends; you know, the guys who cover his back so that his poverty doesn’t show.

But a little bird tells me that the only thing to learn from people with idiotic titles like Youth Development, Indigenisation and Economic Empowerment Minister, is how to totally ruin a country. I’ll bet that the holder of this pompous title truly believes that he is involved in a “fight for full economic independence” which incidentally, Malema’s visit is supposed to be in solidarity with. Modern day revolutionaries – what a bunch of jokers?

Let’s hope that Mugabe treats our village idiot’s idiot, so well, that he decides to stay in Zimbabwe for good. I can just imagine the champagne corks popping at the mere thought of that eventuality.

And the swine flew in…

Following the recent general elections, South Africa is preparing for the inauguration of Jacob Zuma on Saturday, as the new President. By all accounts, the inauguration bash is set to cost in the region of 75-million rands, and seems rather extravagant for the tough economic times we are facing.

However, what is bothering me more is that it seems that every despot north of Pretoria, most notably one Robert Gabriel Mugabe, has been invited to blight our fair land with their human-rights-violating, presence. And it does not seem as if any leader of  note from the democratic first world, is set to attend. Don’t expect the Dalai Lama either.

And so we wait for the swine to fly in; to pig out at the inauguration trough.

Madness in Zimbabwe: Gideon Gono and God Generate Giggles

Gideon Gono, arguably the most inept central banker in the world, and one of Mad Bob Mugabe’s goons, knocked off another 12 zeros from Zimbabwe’s less than useless banknotes on Monday this week, in an attempt to re-value the currency. Under the tyranny of Mad Bob, the country’s inflation rate is running in excess of an amazing (hilarious?)  five sextillion percent. Five sextillion? Few people have even heard of such figures before, but that’s 5 followed by 21 zeros!

And if Gideon Gono is to be believed, god is apparently on his side. He claims that the global financial crisis has forced other countries to follow his example, and thus considers himself vindicated by god. Assuming god does exist, bad results such as the Zimbabwean inflation rate would certainly be true to character for him, considering the mess in evidence elsewhere in the world. Worse yet is that Gono believes that his governorship of the central bank is a success, and the people that work there are at the cutting edge of the country. Cutting edge all right! It’s making calculators obsolete because they can’t handle all the zeros!

I don’t know which is more laughable; Gono’s delusions about his competence or god’s helping hand in this fiasco?

Ode to Zimbabwe

Following the latest deadlock in the talks aimed at breaking the political impasse in Zimbabwe, I think it’s necessary (and really so damn easy) to take a last swipe at Mad Bob Mugabe and his cronies; for a little while anyway or until their next act of utter stupidity. [Edit: I’d just like to add that I was inspired to compose this limerick by the Reverend Joseph E Lowery, after watching him conduct the Benediction at the Barack Obama inauguration ceremony on Tuesday]

Ode to Zimbabwe

In a forlorn land, once called Rhodesia

Where Zanu-PF have now developed amnesia

Of a once troubled land just a little South

That was once also ruled by many an Apartheid lout

And now Zim’s money is really no good

They have more useless paper bills, than food

All ’cause Mad Bob has once more stolen the vote

They really need to get rid of him, the crazy old goat

And his spokesman, Matonga is not too Bright

They ought to kick his ass and give him a fright

But that may not work too well

‘Cause all Bob’s lackey’s are surely from Hell


Scary Holiday Destinations: Zimbabwe (in) Ruins

What can I say about the situation in Zimbabwe that has not already been said. If you’re planning a visit to see the Zimbabwe Ruins any time soon – don’t. You are likely to see a lot more that is ruined, like the entire country for instance. Robert Mugarbage (what clever people on another blog I read recently have taken to calling this pile of turd) has stolen another election. Here are some images that tell the (sorry) tale:

And my personal favorite (you can substitute AU for SADC, AU meaning Assholes Union)

The night the world honoured one son of Africa and reminded us of the ignominy of another

Last night, I watched the live broadcast of the 46664 concert from Hyde Park, London; an event staged to both celebrate the forthcoming 90Th birthday of Nelson Mandela (on 18 July 2008) and to help raise funds for HIV AIDS projects. The evening was emotionally charged as artist after artist heaped well deserved praise on Madiba and the 46664 charity, and finally Madiba himself appeared on stage, supported by his wife Graca Machel to remind the world that the work he had started was not finished; he handed over responsibility to all of us with the words ” it’s in our hands” which is the slogan of the 46664 charity.

On this wonderful day which belonged to Madiba, sadly another gratuitously despicable event was playing itself out in his home continent, Africa, where an election was being shamelessly rigged and stolen. I am referring off course to Robert Mugabe, the tyrant from Zimbabwe who has gone ahead with the run-off elections, after blatantly intimidating his opposition candidate, Morgan Tsvangirai into withdrawing, using violence and other disgraceful tactics. This despotic asshole had the temerity to ignore even Madiba’s wishes, and go ahead with his lunatic scheme to cling onto power.
These two events falling on the same day, reminded me of individuals from the government in my own country who are as disgraceful as Robert Mugabe on the one hand, and in total contrast to the ambitions of Madiba, on the other. Yes, you have guessed right. Thabo Mbeki, President of South Africa, whose unforgivable lack of leadership and implicit support for Robert Mugabe has contributed immensely to the dire situation in Zimbabwe, and the Minister of Health, Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, whose stance on HIV AIDS is legendary for its utter stupidity, and the number of lives it has cost.
Africa is in desperate need of leadership, even morality. Oh, Madiba how I wish you were even thirty years younger; then you could have shown these three delinquents the error of their ways…

South Africa burns…where is the fiddler?

There are cries of xenophobia everywhere; the newspapers are full of it, news on TV, the blogosphere, people discussing it in groups. Pictures of a poor man burning is travelling around the world. Most South Africans, and in all likelihood people all over the world are perplexed. The victims are just shocked, horror written all over their faces. Is this really a scene from the new South Africa, only just 14 years old? What is happening here?

I have spent a few days taking in the reports of violence, killings and destruction of property from around the Province, trying to make sense of it all. Most of the attacks seem to be targeted at foreigners, mostly illegal immigrants from neighbouring countries such as Zimbabwe, Mozambique and Malawi, but there have also been attacks against locals. The perpetrators of the attacks are referred to constantly, as “they”. Who are “they” really? Are they Zulus or Xhosa’s or some other linguistic or tribal group, as has been claimed in some reports? Or are they just a mixture of poor South Africans, living in the squalor of the townships, shanty-towns and ghettos?

We have been living alongside illegal immigrants for a number of years now, but why the sudden torrent of anger directed toward them, originating in Alexandria township? Apart from the first half or so years, of the country’s transition to democratic rule of government, there has been a noticeable decline in the state of the economy and quality of government. The first signs were the escalation in the rate of crime being perpetrated on people of all races. The poor got steadily poorer and more desperate by the day. Criminals became more brazen when they realized that the police and indeed the government were quite helpless, nay clueless when it came to protecting its citizens. While the poor suffered intense hardship, prominent members of the government were helping themselves to the taxpayers money. The government (local and national) lost sight of its vision to rebuild the country, pave the way for creation of equality, wealth and justice for all; instead, with the exception of a few dedicated politicians and civil servants, most concentrated on lining their own pockets. Meanwhile, our President continues to support Zimbabwean dictator, Robert Mugabe, while his people stream into South Africa to escape that brutal regime.

And then came higher and even higher interest rate hikes, and to add insult to injury, monthly fuel price hikes with its concomitant rise in the price of food and basic necessities. The poor were now reeling from the double whammy. Is it then inconceivable to imagine that the recent outbreak of so-called xenophobic attacks could be linked to the desperate situation the poor have now been cornered into. Fourteen years after being freed politically, they now find themselves enslaved economically. It could have started as a small squabble in Alexandria, but quickly escalated out of control. We will never really know. The victims certainly don’t know why they have been attacked. The problem is that it has happened.

But, the government has been obscenely silent about the whole mess. Where is the fiddler? Mr. Mbeki, it is time for you to go, don’t wait for the 2009 election…