Dear (name removed),
I thought it was a really cool idea when your new wife decided to throw you a surprise party for your 50th birthday. Dude, I thought that it would be great to see you again after so many years and reminisce about the glory days of boozing and the card games you so loved.
I had no idea that Jesus was going to be the star attraction at the event. To be fair, I don’t suppose you knew either, it being a surprise and all. But I guess you would have had no objections, as I learned that day that you had been busy over the years…. becoming a pastor.
When I walked into the hall with a few other friends and glanced at the tables and people already sitting there, I noticed a few vaguely familiar faces; faces that I’d not seen for many years. With the band at the front warming up or something, it appeared [at that instant] that my Saturday evening was going to be fun and entertaining. I was so looking forward to doing some catching up…
Still standing at the hall entrance, I was looked around, trying to spot the bar or some such facility when you walked in, dressed in a suit; I don’t ever remember seeing you in a suit before. When the cries of “surprise” died down, I reached over to shake your hand; it was good seeing you again after so many years.
Failing to spot the bar, we walked over to an empty table right at the front of the hall and sat down. Having being seated for barely a minute, we were asked to rise for an opening prayer. “No sweat,” I thought, “let’s get the obligatory waste-of-time out of the way.”
The opening prayer was followed by a couple of gospel tunes from the band and then a couple of songs of praise for Jesus. We were still standing. I grimaced through it all; at least the band was good, the singing not too bad. And then came another pastor with another prayer.
We were still standing. It was becoming mildly annoying. I glanced over to my companions, and they appeared to be in the same frame of mind.
Thankfully the pastor asked us to sit down, but the party that had degenerated into a crusade for Jesus, continued. The pastor launched into a sermon about family, occasionally reading passages from the bible. The pastor’s patronising, and patriarchal diatribe about how the father was the boss-dude of the family was starting to turn my mild annoyance into anger.
[During this sermon from Proverbs, I was surprised to learn that god hates six things, but positively abhors or detests a 7th thing, namely, sowing discord among brethren; although the pastor adapted it for his particular use. I guess the next time a see a Christian fundamentalist waving a banner that “God hates fags,” I will ask him or her ” but does God really detest/abhor homosexuals?”]
It was now nearly an hour later.
After that ghastly sermon, a teenager came up to pray and besmirch Jesus some more, in a sort of lilting, but disconcerting tone. That’s when my companions and I decided to leave.
Dude, I really appreciate that your wife cared enough to want you to celebrate a key milestone in your life with friends you had got to know over the years. And I would have been glad to be there, but I should not have had to compete with Jesus for your attention.
For me a party is a party, is a party, preferably with booze – lots of it. Dude, I just have to say it – proselytizing is a party-killer… for me at least.
I hope you had a good evening and 50th birthday nonetheless. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay to celebrate it with you. Perhaps we’ll get together again, without Jesus this time.
Your secular friend,
Lenny
Lenny Says 
Abhors sowing discord among brethren? I guess the pastor doesn’t really care for Jesus or never reads the Bible. “I come with the sword to set Son against father, Daughter against mother, etc. Mathew 10: 34-36.
Betcha some serpent is going to read this & say “that’s not what he meant” . Which would mean he thinks Jesus never meant anything he “said”…or said anything he “meant”.
Yeah, you gotta love interpretation…
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What kind of 50th is that? I would’ve left at about the time I realised there was no bar. Sitting through an hour of that crap can cause a hernia or severe brain hemorrhaging! I thought they usually limited this kind of stuff to weddings and funerals, not at party occasions like a 50th birthday.
Yeah dude, I know. It’s seriously effed up. However, he was an old friend and I guess he deserved an hour of my time.
Ok so seems someone has an issue with people succeeding in life? The way I see it is that you’re a coward, if you have the audacity to leave your vomit on the internet in such an obscene way. Your use of ‘high words’ doesn’t compliment your filthy habits at all and seems more of a pathetic attempt to float your own name when you look around and realise that others have progressed but you are still stuck, stagnant, in the same depressing state for so many years, from when I was a kid, tagged along with my dad to your pathetic functions to now where I see a man of God proudly living his life as a testament, its you I feel sorry for. Its cool that you put your thoughts onto the web for all to see, just wonder if, given the opportunity, would you say it to my face? As for the ‘teenager’ reciting the prayer? I’m sure he would love to hear your remarks face to face as well. See that how you will. Also you seem to have some sort of inclination for talking about fags? Anyway, not that your orientation or beliefs is any of my business, likewise I see not a reason why you should feel so offended with taking the back seat, more like the boot I would say, Jesus will ALWAYS take precendence of you, ALWAYS, so get used ot it ‘dude’. As for that, cumon’ seriously, leave the ‘dude’ for the youngsters, you’re not a kid anymore so it would be highly appreciated if this childish and immature banter of yours would come to an end.
Samuel,
I have no problem with people succeeding in life. I do have a problem with being invited to a party and being assaulted with a primitive ideology, relentlessly. You also presume a lot about my progress in life. Perhaps you should have given more thought to your guest list, seeing as that it was targeted at those amenable to be mind-fucked with the Jesus ideology like timid sheep. If you’ve read my blog you would know that I find the selling of Jesus and the archaic ideology behind it, offensive to say the least.
I always find it amusing when Christians profess to hold the moral high ground, but behave in the same manner in which they often presume their critics to indulge in. I have many gay and lesbian friends, who are morally superior to most religious people. And it’s always amusingm to see how obsessed the religiously inclined are with the sexual orientation of others. Incidently, I am not a “fag” as you so offensively refer to the LGBT community, but I prefer their company to religious bigots.
My banter as you call it will never cease. Get used to that… dude. Your are not as compelled to read it, as you are sell Jesus to everyone. Perhaps take some of your own advise and reflect introspectively about how childish religion is.
Grow some balls you shameless excuse for a man! Pathetic! Cumon “dude” if you have anything to say to anyone its best you man up and face them. Don’t sit behind a computer and say a fat lot because if you really had the balls to do anything you would have. You’re just scared you good for nothing ass will get beaten so badly. Stop living of other people and do something with your life.
Remember, JESUS LOVES YOU!!!! And there’s absolutelty nothing you can do about it no matter how big of an arsehole you are he still loves you. Jesus is the reason you so freely walk this earth. You need Jesus my man seriously and what I’m going to do for you is pray for you and ask Jesus to please save you because dude you will be burning on hell. Repent now and be saved and remember Jesus loves you this I know for the bible tells you so.
You just got served Lenny, twice, three times…as she said, be a man and face up to it, like I said, be a man and face me, like the previous comment said, you know where I stay, pay me a visit and we can talk it out, amicabaly. That’s if you are prepared to voice your opinion in a civilized manner that is. Look no hard feelings, just 3 thingz that annoyed me, 1. You have the audacity to talk so ill of someone who you call ‘friend’, 2. You voice concerns about a religion which isn’t even your own, of which no one has forced apon you, 3. You sit there with a holier than thou attitude and expect people to listen to your b.s. If a woman (previous comment) can question your integrity as a man, then ‘dude’ I say YOU have a lot of soul searching to do. If you do have anything CONSTRUCTIVE to say you are most welcome to visit me at home, please note however, there will be NO ALCOHOL served, just in case you are expecting something of the sort. Oh and since you speak like a young man allow me to say this in the lingo of the youth…”You got your ass handed to you by a chick” seriously dude I’d be embarrassed really.
Samuel, perhaps you should read the blog post again with a rational frame of mind. It had very little to do with your father, and everything to do with the unsolicited attempt to force your religious ideology down my throat.
If your family made it clear that the so-called party was going to be a Jesus sale, I would not have wasted my one hour being there. I responded on my blog because (in case you haven’t noticed that my blog is anti-religious) that’s what my blog is all about. The fact that you percieve my post as personal is not my fault. I cannot be held responsible for your lack of comprehension.
And kindly ask your lady friend to desist from making threats on my comment page.
Your responses are nothing new; I get hundreds of them. It just reinforces my conviction about the irrationality of religious fundamentalists.
You’re welcome to preach your narrow world view to those who have succumbed to it; just don’t do in my presense or time.
Listen forstly, I don’t care what you say or who you say it to or where you say it, don’t begin to presume you know anything about what I comprehend, once again, your use of high world lack the ability to make you seem some what more distinguished than you think you are. I commented because yes it seems to be directed at my father, you say itz nothing personal, well maybe I got that impression because you started as “Dear Tony”. Do you really think you get around that? Secondly, the ‘lady friend’ is no one I know, perhaps maybe someone you’ve offended? None of my business, what is my business is when you publicly smeer my fathers name on the internet. Yes your blog is anti religious, you are entitled to your opinion and no one can ever take that away from you, but when you decide to smeer your hatred for religion on your blog using MY fathers name I will ofcourse get upset, wouldn’t you? Fair enough you felt victimised, you didn’t have to be present as no one was forcing you to stay, and rightfully so, you left. If you were upset you could’ve said in your blog that you had attended a party and then talk about what went on, you surely did not need to adrees your post to my father nor did you need to mention anything about my family (‘new wife’; ‘teenager’). Upon doing so you made this post a personal issue. Its obvious you don’t know who I am and the height of irritation you have brought me to with your meaningless banter, see this how you will, I emplore you, drop the subject, you say what you want, when you want, just DON’T involve my family, I’ve asked once, asked twice, this will be the last time I ask as humbly as I am doing so now.
Samuel,
I did not use your family surname. So there was thought behind that. My intention was never to belittle your father, just the events of that evening which I find deplorable.
As a courtesy to you and your father, I will remove the name immediately.
Many thanks
Oooh missitee, the Christian love you’re showing is….so familiar. You’re kind of late on the draw though. I’ve already been condemned to burn in hell by hundreds of your Christian brethren before you.
I’ll be back in Johannesburg tomorrow afternoon, so you’re off course welcome to come around and beat me up then. Gawd knows, your Christian brotherhood have been beating the Christian salvation into humanity for centuries…
Lenny what a pathetic excuse for a man that eat every party you going looking for alchohol and when you don’t get any ,you get depressed and throw fits like a child, if can’t afford any come see me I’ll give a donation I’m sure anything you get will help you and I don’t carry on like a child if you want to speak be a man about it you know where I stay I don’t hide stop being a child grow up, bark like a big dog but you piss like a puppy don’t go out of your room afraid of the world , your words don’t phase .. I’m just letting you ,you better watch what you say about famil….
The shit you people speak is unbelievable. You have no respect for someone’s special day if he wants to make his day with things he love so be it. Stop posting shit about people because you will cause your own down fall and il be there to face you !
So you’re saying that my time and (non)religious beliefs are deserving of less respect than someone else’s. Respect – it cuts both ways. Never demand it…