Dear Mr Wenger, I know I said I wouldn’t, but…

270 px

Image via Wikipedia

Granted. You’re probably the most revolutionary manager/coach in World football today. You’re a purist. You teach your players to play a style of football that is most pleasing on the eye – like poetry in motion.

But, what an embarrassing disaster on Sunday in the Carling Cup Final against Birmingham!

It’s great that you have eleven players on the field who all want to drive forward and score goals – yes even your goalkeeper [but not Chamakh – he still looks afraid to score]. You saw how eagerly Szczesny came way out of position in the game on Sunday. But seriously, the world is not ready yet for this exceedingly adventurous style of play. Defending is still an essential part of the game.

You need to have at least 4 players defending at most times. Please restrain their eagerness to behave like strikers. Maybe you need to get some big burly guys at the back who will be loath to venture forward due to the tiredness this causes.

Please get your defence sorted out. Take them to the Fireman’s Academy; teach them NOT TO PANIC!!!

There is much work to be done before your team can hold some silverware. But first they need to hold their nerve.

I trust you will do the right thing.

Your faithful fan,


Bobbie-the-Jean: 50 Reasons I Reject Evolution

Was pointed to this hilarious compilation thanks to The Observer from AvC. Enjoy!

Dinosaur Extinction

1.) Because I don’t like the idea that we came from apes… despite that humans are categorically defined and classified as apes.

2.) Because I’m too stupid and/or lazy to open a fucking science book or turn on the Discovery Science Channel.

3.) Because if I can’t immediately understand how something works, then it must be bullshit.

4.) Because I don’t care that literally 99.9% of all biologists accept evolution as the unifying theory of biology.

5.) Because I prefer the idea that a (insert god of choice) went ALLA-KADABRA-ZAM MOTHAH-FUCKAHS!!!

6.) Because I can’t get it through my thick logic-proof skull that evolution refers ONLY to the diversity of living organisms which reproduce with genetic variation, not to abiogenesis, or planet formation, or big bang cosmology, or whether God exists, or where they buried Jimmy Hoffa, or why the sky is blue, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of a fucking Tootsie Pop.

7.) Because the fossil record doesn’t comprise the remains of every single living thing that ever existed on this 4.5 billion year old planet, even though fossilization is a rare process that only occurs under very specific circumstances.

8.) Because science has yet to produce any transitional species… except for the magnitudinous numbers of them found in the fossil record which don’t count because… I uh, OOH LOOK! A SHINY OBJECT!!! *runs away*

9.) Because I know nothing about Darwin except that he had a funny beard.

10.) Because the theory of evolution (which, according to scientists, perfectly explains the richness and diversity of life on Earth) contradicts biblical literalism… ya know, flat Earth with a firmament that keeps out the water, talking snakes, people rising from the dead, bats are birds, flamey talking bushes, virgin births, food appearing out of nowhere, massive bodies of water turning into blood… etc etc.

11.) Because I think the word “theory” actually means: “random stabs in the dark” when it really means: “an explanation of certain phenomena that is well-supported by a large body of facts and often unifies similarly well-supported hypotheses” i.e. atomic theory, gravitational theory, germ theory, cell theory, some-people-are-dumb-motherfuckers-theory, etc.

12.) Because the fact that science is self-correcting annoys me. Most of my other beliefs are rigidly fixed and uncorrectable.

13.) Because I am under the severely mistaken impression that evolution implies someone in my very recent ancestry was a chimp.

14.) Because everything appears designed to my mind which was expertly tuned by nature to perceive design, probably as a survival mechanism.

15.) Because some secretly fabulous closet-dwelling televangelist (who unironically preaches hate towards gays) told me that evolution is Satan’s way of leading me away from God.

16.) Because that same guy (who was also caught snorting blow off a male hooker’s shiny naked ass) told me that God planted those fossils to test my faith.

17.) Because I’m 100% correct about everything 100% of the time and there is 0% chance that some snooty Oxford educated scientist with numerous honorary doctorates could possibly know something that I don’t.

18.) Because I don’t know that fossils are found in sedimentary strata corresponding to their age as one would expect if evolution were true.

19.) Because I don’t understand why, if we share common ancestry with chimps, there are still chimps. And when someone with more than three brain cells in their head inevitably replies: “for the same reason Americans share common ancestry with Brits but there are still Brits, I can’t follow the logic. It’s just too big a leap. Who am I, Evil Knievel?

20.) Because my mom dropped me on my head when I was a baby.

21.) Multiple times.

22.) On purpose.

23.) Because the idea that life evolved naturally over billions of years is infinitely less believable than the idea that an 800 year old man crammed two of every species into a giant wooden boat when the entire planet flooded, an event for which there is absolutely no geological evidence whatsoever and also makes no fucking sense at all.

24.) Because Jesus totally rode around on a fucking t-rex. He’s just that badassed. And also, did you know that t-rexes were vegetarians? Ken Ham says so and I believe it.

25.) Because I don’t realize that saying “microevolution is possible but macroevolution isn’t” is as stupid as saying “I can pick my nose for one second but I cannot pick it for 10 seconds.”

26.) Because the education system failed me miserably.

27.) …and then took a big wet dump on my face.

28.) Because I think that knowing how nature works magically obliterates all of its beauty.

29.) Because I didn’t know that evolution has been tested and observed in laboratories.

30.) Because when confronted with that, I refuse to believe it. It’s obviously a scientific conspiracy aimed at turning everyone on the planet into atheists… even though evolution says nothing about god’s nature nor whether he, she, it, or they exist.

31.) Because I’m too stupid to realize that Social Darwinism has nothing to do with evolution and is actually a pseudo-scientific bastardization that real science largely rejects.

32.) Because the planet and all the life on it was designed for humans… kinda like how the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NY was designed specifically for the dust-bunnies that may accumulate on the floors.

33.) Because I don’t realize that if we actually found croco-ducks in the fossil record, it would falsify evolution.

34.) Because plenty of respectable people like Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Mike Huckabee (who are not scientists) don’t accept evolution, and that somehow validates my opinion.

35.) Because my mother didn’t know not to drink while she was pregnant. She also didn’t know not to repeatedly throw herself down a flight of stairs in an attempt to undo the accident of screwing someone who voted for Bush both times.

36.) Because I don’t know that “irreducible complexity” has been debunked a frazillion times by a frazillion different people and is no more credible an argument than “NEEN-er NEEN-er NEEN-er, I’m right and you’re wrong.”

37.) Because I have never seen a duck evolve into a cat over night, despite the fact that such a thing would be contrary to all known scientific disciplines.

38.) Because I have no imagination, learning is too much effort, I don’t like proven facts, change scares me, and I think deoxyribonucleic acid is something I’m supposed to clean my bathroom floors with.

39.) Because evolution means that I absolutely MUST reject everything else I know, abandon all my beliefs, and start aping around my house like a fucking monkey. OOOh-ooohh-ooohohh -OOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!

40.) Because I haven’t put my cave on the market and moved into the 21st century yet. I’m waiting for the cave market to rebound from the recent financial meltdown.

41.) Because I don’t know what an atavism is and if you told me, I still wouldn’t believe it. Too weird.

42.) Because I don’t know that evolution explains methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus and also provides the answer in preventing it from turning into a superbug and killing massive numbers of people.

43.) Because I don’t know that evolution is routinely used in medicine to diagnose and treat certain illnesses such as genetic ailments, bacterial infections, and viral infections.

44.) Because I believe there is a strong comparison between designed inanimate objects such as buildings, paintings, and watches (which we know were pieced together from identifiable components by human beings) and living organisms (which reproduce with genetic variation under the effects of environmental attrition).

45.) Because I see no significant similarities between humans and apes. *scratches my ass-crack then smells my fingers*

46.) Because I think I’m too special to have been crafted by any natural process and the entire planet, solar system, galaxy, and universe were created with me especially in mind.

47.) Because I unquestioningly swallow the ignorant anti-science bullshit spewed directly from the fraudulent stupid asses of people like Ken Ham, Ted Haggard, Fred Phelps, and Kent Hovind.

48.) Because I’m a freethinker and freethinking really means ignoring anything that contradicts what I already believe.

49.) Because I don’t know what confirmation bias is.

50.) Because despite the fact that in all my years of life, I have never seen any magic, I still believe magic is the answer to anything I don’t immediately comprehend.

Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case. Quod erat demonstrandum, I fucking win. Take that you EVILutionists!

South Africa moves briefly through the Twilight Zone

Close-up, ripe wolfberries, Zhongning County, ...

Image via Wikipedia

I’m still rubbing my eyes in amazement!

Yesterday Julius Malema, that pompous maggot who lords it over the ANC Youth League, stated quite unexpectedly that those in power should not abuse their office to benefit their friends and immediate family. Presumably he was not referring to the ANC-led government because we all know that their constant denials of corruption and nepotism means that they’re squeaky clean.

I don’t know about you, but I’m really perplexed about who he could possibly have been referring to! The annoying blow-hard compounded my puzzlement by demanding that the public should vote for faces:

Whether you like the face or not (of the councillor)… as long as next to that face is the emblem of the ANC, you must vote for that face.


We are failed by individuals, not by our organisation, the ANC.

Really now; had I known that the ANC was run by faces rather than individuals, I would not have abstained from voting for 16 years.

Meanwhile on another scary dimension, it been proven that us skeptics have been wrong about the powers of goji berries. Schabir Shaik, the convicted fraudster who was released early from prison because of a terminal illness, has seemingly made a miraculous recovery through his declared use of those magical goji berries. He’s so fit in fact, that he’s back in the news again…playing golf and beating up journalists.

Man, these are exciting times! Tomorrow I expect to catch my first glimpse of pigs flying!

Persecution or annoyance?

People are always saying that they feel persecuted. But in most cases, is it really persecution they’re feeling or just plain annoyance?

Just this morning I read a blog post by a young Ugandan women studying in South Africa who feels that Christians around the world are being persecuted…for being Christian. But is what she is describing, really persecution, or just plain annoyance at the proponents of presumably opposing religions claiming that their gods are superior, or that the Christian god is false? This is merely a case of disagreement over ideological principles, which may lead to isolated cases of physical violence and terror, but this is hardly evidence of a systematic campaign of persecution.

However, the persecution of alleged witches during the history of Christianity was real, and was as a result of misguided Christians demonstrating their perceived superiority.

Homosexuals on the other hand also claim to be persecuted. Are they really?

Yes, in the case of homosexuals, large-scale persecution is both visible and measurable. They are not just feeling annoyed at heterosexuals; there is tangible evidence for both physical and psychological torment being directed at them. They have every right to feel aggrieved at others who systematically torment them because of their choice of sexual orientation which is not an ideological principle.

Persecution is also evident where race is concerned. Generally people’s of the darker races have every right to feel victimized by lighter skinned people’s, but that does not mean that there are no cases where the opposite is also true. Racial discrimination most certainly constitutes an act of persecution because one does not choose which race to be born into.

So, the next time I hear someone of  Christian, or Muslim or any other religious persuasion complaining of being persecuted, please spare me the false anguish. Your annoyance at being called out by your opposition or even non-believers, is pitiful.

The Naked Emperor Oscars by Zapiro

Good ol’ Zapiro! He’s spot on once again with what’s happening on the African continent. Amazing how a cartoon can say so much in so little space.

Mail & Gaurdian, February 25

Two things…

Spare a thought for the 46 Zimbabweans who were arrested by Robert Mugabe’s Gestapo-like police force recently for attending a lecture discussing the recent uprisings in Egypt and Tunisia. Some of those arrested were allegedly also tortured.

We all know quite well that Mugabe is hell-bent on retaining power, but resorting to manufacturing absurd charges of treason against this group who have been identified as labour and social activists, confirms that he’s one paranoid son-of-a-bitch as well. Their lawyers are asking quite reasonably, why the rest of the population have not been arrested as well for watching the revolts against the two North African dictators. One can only conclude that Mugabe needs to make an example of this unfortunate bunch, so that nobody else considers rising up against his tyrannical rule.

South Africans need to be aware that if our own government push into legislation their recently proposed draconian censorship laws, this sort of thing might become a reality even here.

I watched a video hosted on AlJazeera’s website of dictator Muammar Gaddafi’s desperate and threatening speech broadcast on Libyan television earlier this week, where he makes reference to the fact that he was not a leader, but a revolutionary.

Interspersed with pleas for cessation of the hostility against his regime and the usual revolutionary rhetoric, he issued threats to maim and burn his own people. This rant sounded quite familiar to me, having come across that same technique on numerous occasions in e-mails, pamphlets, flyers and billboard posts by the lunatics who make up the Christian fundamentalist lobby.

Meanwhile, South Africans need to take note of how a certain obstreperous Youth organization affiliated to the government, conceitedly also refer to themselves as revolutionaries at every occasion. More disconcerting however, is that they style themselves not after honourable revolutionaries such as Benjamin Franklin, but after despots like Gaddafi.

Photo #14: Those amazing eyes

I haven’t posted a photograph in a while because I haven’t been actively taking any shots. Last night while going through some of my old photos, I came across this image of Maya, the daughter of my first cousin. She is an absolute delight, and a photographers dream subject.

I have many photos of her in completely natural poses; and every one contains a smile. Now that’s unusual for kids.

Anyway the first photo is the one I shot in colour some time last year. I cropped it very tightly because I wanted those magnificent eyes to be a focal point. I used a Yellow filter available in Windows Live Photo Gallery on the same photo to get the effect you see in the next image. I think the yellow filter somehow accentuates those eyes.

The Eyes of Maya Belle 1


The Eyes of Maya Belle 2

 Shooting Data:


Nikon D40

Lens: VR 55-200mm F/4-5.6 G
Focal Length: 120mm
Exposure Mode: Aperture Priority
Metering Mode: Multi-Pattern
1/60 sec – F/4.8

How's this for bare-faced cheek from a government spin-doctor?

Bheki Cele at press conference on crime at Wor...

Image via Wikipedia

No so long ago the Sunday Times newspaper in South Africa published a damning investigative report [story with timelines here] about the irregular signing of a R500-million lease agreement which involved the National Police Commissioner Bheki Cele.

After receiving a request by the Director of the South African Institute for Accountability, the Public Protector conducted an investigation which has found the Commissioner guilty of improper conduct, a ruling which most sane people will find grossly under-exaggerates his guilt. There was certainly much more involved in this whole saga, as suggested by the Sunday Times report.

Today, the ANC spokesperson Jackson Mthembu released this highly amusing statement, following heated calls for the Police Commissioner to be axed:

We note that the violation of public administration laws, in terms of the public protector’s conclusion on the matter, does not necessarily amount to a criminal finding.

He followed up with this absolute howler when requesting all parties to take the…

…necessary corrective action in a manner that restores public confidence in our administration

Here’s the obvious problems which the ANC seemingly have failed to take notice off:

  1. Misconduct and violation of administration laws are deeply frowned upon in the private sector and invariably leads to dismissal and in some cases further criminal prosecution of the offender. In the case where the offender is employed as a servant of the public and has abused both trust and public funds, the offence should be deemed to be doubly [if not more] serious. We should not be baying for the cretins head, but for the rest of his miserable, thieving body too.
  2. How can the ANC seriously expect public confidence to be restored when this is but one of a very long list of transgressions involving corruption? The ANC must surely consider their voters to be seriously ignorant or retarded or both.

Once again, we’re being shown the utter contempt that the ANC has for the people.

Scum making news: Tuesday, February 22

Toll Collect Portique A65

Image via Wikipedia

The proposed implementation of excessive tolls on Gauteng Provinces main highways has been suspended by Minister of Transport Sbu Ndebele, until further deliberations have been conducted with relevent stakeholders. This after a mammoth outcry from the irrelevant stakeholders also known as Joe Public.

Later, Gauteng Premier Nomvula Mokonyane announced that:

South Africans can be best assured that government is doing everything possible to resolve this matter in a manner that will be in the best interests of the commuter, road user and the state for future development and management of our road infrastructure in the country.

The Premier must surely be as proficient a scumbag as the honourable Transport Minister, if she expects the thinking public to actually buy this garbage. Let’s take a few steps back:

  1. An elaborate and sophisticated open tolling system is constructed, not on a new road, but on an existing road that has been upgraded with additional lanes.
  2. National government proceeds to announce a complicated, and outrageously expensive tolling fee structure.
  3. The Gauteng Provincial government pretends to be against the tolling system after protests started gaining momentum, and decides to raise the issue with National government.

What’s wrong with this picture?

  1. Why were existing roads already paid for by the public converted to toll roads, without adequate alternative routes being in place, nor for that matter anything closely resembling public transport infrastructure?
  2. Why were there no prior consultations on the toll fee structure and why were the public not involved in the decision-making process; one that has the potential to ruin many of them financially?
  3. Isn’t it just way too convenient for the Provincial Administration, belonging to the same political party as the national administration, to deny knowledge of the whole scheme, and to act as some sort of messiah, so close to the upcoming local government elections?

No, no, no, Nomvula, I am pretty sure that this whole open tolling system is just another elaborate self-enrichment scam being perpetrated by the ANC-government on the mostly ignorant public. The best interests of the commuter and road user was never considered, because this whole situation would not have developed to where it is now, if consideration for the public was the first priority.

Admit it, self-enrichment was the first and only consideration in this whole ghastly scam.

Status Update: Monday, February 21

Now that I’ve got the sprucing up of Lenny Says all squared away, it’s time to tackle my sister-blog ScumWatch, similarly. It’s interesting times we’re living in; I’m sure there’s an interesting way to look at it, throw some commentary about and expose some skullduggery, all with a little humour off course.

Now let’s see…