How about Performance Contracts that don’t require you to perform?

Performance Contracts that don’t actually require you to perform? You’d like one of those, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately they’re only available to South African government ministers.

Those much vaunted performance contracts promised by President Jacob Zuma to monitor the conspicuous lack of performance, and questionable competence of his cabinet ministers, has finally arrived. But he needn’t have bothered wasting the ink. Apparently Zuma has no intention of making his errant ministers comply with the conditions stipulated therein, as can be gleaned from these statements:

Government ministers who do not meet their performance targets may not necessarily be removed from their positions

I don’t think we should look at this as a way to try and punish people

Sure, Mr. Zuma, let’s not punish these servants of the people. Let’s reward them for failing us. It’s how things are done around here now that your liberation organization’s power is entrenched, isn’t it? It’s no wonder your comrades in the party and assorted sycophants still consider themselves as revolutionaries and liberators. Yes, it’s truly revolutionary, the way you all have liberated the poor tax-paying citizens of their hard-earned money.

There was a women who once said “let them eat cake.” Perhaps you’ve forgotten what happened not long afterwards.